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by Wintergirl

I’m sitting here in the dark, listening to the rain. It’s been raining a lot lately in the past month or so. I remember a few years ago the river flooding in low lying spots and coming within inches of flooding over the train track bridge. I don’t mind this rain at night or when I’m sleeping but during the day when I have to function it about kills me. I am not very tolerant of the cold and lately this has felt like an ice cold rain. There was one night in February I had to catch the bus home from work in an icy cold rainstorm, without an umbrella because I had no idea that it was going to rain that day. Thinking back I caught a nearly month long cold after that. It’s going to rain all weekend too. I’m thankful I’m spending tomorrow with my little niece and having dinner with my parents, I’m old enough where I like the little things like that. I’m tired too. Part of me is convinced I’m just dying a slow death already  or stuck in between  life and death. which is what my name here implies. That’s another post in itself though.  I think what I hate the most is I feel as if everyone thinks I have my shit together and I’m great.  I’m not.  I may look healthy and happy and all that bs but my brain is eating me alive. I made a great collage once depicting this, if I find it I’ll post it.  Anyway I’m rambling now. I honestly don’t even know if there is a point to this, if you read it, thank you.

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Hazy Day Sunflower 4/30/2016 - 11:22 pm

Read this. I like the rain at night. I can’t take the cold either. Which is why I live about as far sound as I can get in the USA without crossing into Mexico. Still, something about rain and cold that chills me to the core. Cold makes me angry. Which is interesting since people tend to think anger is a hot kind of emotion. Not me though. Cold for me is anger. Ice cold, like frostbite on the end of my fingers.

People think I have my shit together too. I am an undercover crazy person. Very convenient when dealing with folks out there that are just leading normal lives. Batshit crazy tends to scare them.

Hazy Day Sunflower 4/30/2016 - 11:22 pm

*south

Wintergirl 4/30/2016 - 11:32 pm

I have a friend who with her husband lives on random border towns in South Texas. They work for a company and travel to and from different job sites. I’ve seen pictures of the desert down there, it’s beautiful but for some reason it reminds me of a creepy horror movie. Too still, too quiet. I can’t really do 100% silence very well anymore. Too many things go bump in the night. I have bad tendencies to freak out. Undercover crazy person is a good descriptor for me as well because in my more manic moments I’ve told people things and got wierd reactions. Gotta keep it under wraps

Hazy Day Sunflower 4/30/2016 - 11:35 pm

yeah keep the weird in check. I say to myself (before I start talking about shit I KNOW is shouldn’t) Is this normal. What I am about to say, would say…Aunt Debbie say this to my mother…

If the answer is “oh hell no” then I skip it and talk about handbags…or shoes. Or the latest reality show. you would be shocked at how many people watch those. I just read wikipedia so I know what is going on with the latest ones so I sound normal. Works every time.

Wintergirl 4/30/2016 - 11:46 pm

Haha that’s great, you’re keeping up with the kartrasians.

Wintergirl 4/30/2016 - 11:49 pm

I know my mind is not wired right. But sometimes I am ok like that, I keep to myself most days anyway.

Cold_Sleep 5/1/2016 - 12:30 am

It’s raining outside this entire night today, well it’s still raining and it’s morning. I like rain, something about it makes my mind run free, I get this feeling and the urge I should be creating something. I like cold, it makes my body feel what I feel inside, and for that moments exchange my mental struggle for physical one, in those moments I find peace.

rivets 5/1/2016 - 1:09 pm

I’m not an undercover crazy person. If you think I’m normal, you haven’t spent more than five minutes with me yet. Just wait.

But Wintergirl can’t tolerate the cold? Say it ain’t so! 😮

Cordless 5/1/2016 - 5:11 pm

Rain can make me either more depressed or comforted, depending.
I know what you mean… yesterday evening was nothing but constant rain.
After awhile it starts to feel overwhelming and smothering.

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