Haven’t been here in a while. Things got better for a while but somehow i’m the same again. I feel so lifeless. Found something temporarily for my hurt but when that’s not enough, I’m not sure what I will turn to. I’ve been feeling down lately, feel like i don’t want to live anymore. I’ve turn to cutting to ease my pain, holds me about a day or so. First it was just my wrist then I’ve move to my face. It’s a bit uncomfortable because people always watch me like what happen to me. They often ask if someone is beating me. I work in a supermarket, so my scars are visible to everybody. I don’t know what to do because cutting is the only thing that keeps me relax. Weird but that’s how I feel. I really wish things would get better for me. I cry most of the time to fall asleep. My life is really broken. 23 years of life and I’m sorry to say that I hate it. Surprisingly, I’m still here because I have a son. Don’t want to break his heart like mine is broken.
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Hiya Broken, Sorry to hear you are having a hard time of things :-s I know how you feel, in terms still being here for the sake of others, I am a carer for my mother and I’m not sure she would cope if I ended it. Makes me feel awful and very selfish that I even think of leaving knowing what it would do to her but it is really hard to but my own wants and reasons aside sometimes, I guess while someone needs us then it is reason enough to stay really.
I really hope it’s the right reason. I want to be okay Mentally as well. I just don’t know what to do.
Staying for your son is absolutely the right reason, there isn’t much more of a better reason other then for yourself but you do need to be well to I can understand that. I’m not totally sure what help is available to you, for me my family have been asking me to seek help and register with a Dr and try anti-depressants but I have very little faith in doctors really hence I don’t even have one, plus from some of the stories I have read I am not sure being completely honest and opening up to a DR is always the best thing as it can lead to being hospitalised etc so I really don’t know if its something I want to do, I feel that wouldn’t help me at all but just make me feel worse and certainly make me think twice about reaching out again
I’m not sure who to ask for help. My family doesn’t know anything about what I do. Don’t want to worry them.
I was the same I never spoke to anyone, it was only after a failed attempt and being found by a friend that then told most of my family I had no choice but to tell them really, well as little as I could get away with telling them anyway. I don’t feel talking to them helps it just puts them in a situation where they don’t even know what to say and so I have said and act that it has all passed and things are ok but really I still want out and I’m not even sure I want help most days :-s I’m sort of obsessed with leaving now and feel dead set on it but on top of the worry of another failed attempt and the consequences that could come with that physically the thought of what it would do to others is always there too :-s feels a bit of a no win situation really… damned if we do, damned if we don’t
Exactly. I know it will get better eventually. Holding on till the day it does. I know if I leave things will get worst. I think you should hold on a bit as well.
Bless you, thank you. I agree, I think you are right, your son deffo needs you here. I hope you get the help you need and find happiness :0)
Thank you!