It’s been a long time since I posted something here again. So here I am, still alive. Remember my post entitled “April 2”? that should be my date of death. I should’ve been dead by now. But still, I’m alive. But now I wish I wasn’t. I regret choosing to live again. I thought everything might turn out good this time. I tried changing. But every time I’m trying, something bad always happens and it drags me down deep. And when I thought I was getting better, it turned out worse. As usual, I still do self harm scars. I still think about suiciding. And now I think, maybe my life was destined to be like this. Maybe I shouldn’t try to change anymore because I know the result would be the same. I should just wait for the day when I can’t handle everything anymore and end everything… even if I try changing, I know it will still turn out like this…
1 comment
I definitely understand the bitter confusion of thinking “I should have been dead by now; why am I still alive?”
There are days when I struggle with being glad that I am still alive. As you mentioned, sometimes life enjoys punching us when we’re already down.
I am powerless to fix anything for myself or anyone else, and yet I still hope things turn out ok for you. This is the right place to be.