Some people embrace responsibilities and challenges. I avoid them.
Most people spend their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s advancing their careers and/or raising a family. I’m 30 and have no interest in either. I have friends now but I wonder how many of them I’ll still have in ten years when they’ve all “moved on.”
I was so well suited to the school environment where things were highly structured and most work was individual, but so ill suited to the real world where things are less structured and uncertain and most work is done with other people.
I completely lack basic life skills like cooking and fixing things, nor do I have any interest in learning them. I haven’t been particularly interested in learning anything for a while, actually. On the other hand when I was a kid I loved learning everything.
I’m just afraid of life. And even more afraid of love.
I feel like the bus that was meant to hit me five years ago got stuck in traffic or broke down instead. If it hadn’t, people would probably remember me for all the promise I had then instead of for the way it’s all crumbling now.
6 comments
Dividebyzero, I read your entire post. Best.
dividebyzero, WTF! Kids! grow up! responsibilities! fit in the mold? forget it, that’s not going to make you happy! do what you like to do, hey i would learn how to cook, i like home cooking! i cook! your doing fine, these responsible people your talking about take a good look are they really happy? most are stuck! keep your freedom and be all you can be.
DBZ, yeah, I remember when I was a kid and everyone over 25 looked old to me and I used to think to myself how I’ll never get THAT old… and here I am… three months from turning 51. Damn, where did all the years go? Who the fuck cares; they weren’t that good anyway. That’s the only thing that keeps me goin’ these days… knowing that there are more days behind me than in front of me. Yes, it’s a struggle, but Rocketman has a point. Screw the system, chuck society; live your life YOUR way and to hell with those who don’t approve.
I appreciate the comments. For me, it’s always been a tricky balance between living life my way and having friends etc. One can say “chuck society” but that seems like it would lead to loneliness; even for a definite introvert like me that’s not a good thing in the long-term. For instance I didn’t have any friends at all until age 15 or so when I finally decided to put at least some effort into fitting in. If I ever decide I do want a long-term romantic relationship that will require a whole different level of compromises and going along to get along.
dividebyzero, Don’t start a relationship with someone that demanding, don’t ever compromise otherwise your not being yourself, you can be nice with the right person without ripping your spine out!!
I understand you. School was better for me than work. I hate doing jobs that aren’t my dream job. I hate that every damn thing costs money. I hate the prospect of needing to get married and have kids because it’s financially the better thing, more kids more welfare. It’s all about money, and I hate it. I always felt like I was meant to die young, but for some reason, death won’t take me.