List of things im bad at
- Talking about my problems
- Eating
- Being a good daughter
- Being a good sister
- Being a good girlfriend
- Being social
- Living
- Standing up for myself
Its not just me who thinks these things. Who knows for a fact that I was just a fuck up from the day I was born. My parents, my dear good at heart parents pawned me off on someone else. My siblings who I know loves me, I hurt. I affect them with my depression that seems to be the vain of my existence. I really suck at being a good girlfriend. I mean Im to insecure and fucked up to be a good one. Proof? My bf has stated so today that I basically suck ass. Being social? Im scared of people. Of hurting them or of them hurting me. It always happen. Thus I have no choice but to live my life in solitude. I suck at living because I have no purpose in this life. For a little while I had one. To be the best that I can be, to love, and protect my new family, which consisted of my bf, dog, and his daughter aka my little princess. But im way to complex to be able to do any of those things. I suck at standing up for myself really bad when it counts. I let people walk over me. Im passive about it. I’ll agree to about anything even if it hurts me if it makes that person happy. The bad thing with this is that I’ll get upset with myself and take it out if messed with on that person. When its really myself that im mad at for not being able to say no. To talk, to open up. Like I really do try but it feels like someone has gagged my mouth shut and is sitting on my chest. Then my thoughts come. All the negative ones The ones that tell the truth about me. thus rendering me into a weak pathetic little girl who cant do anything but curl up and cry. Eating is a good one. I have this weird thing with food for some reason. Always have. Where I can go days without eating and not feel hungry. At all. I could smell apple pie cooking, or the wonderful smell of buttered popcorn and my stomach wont so much as growl. It would actually disgust me, to see people chewing, stuffing their faces with food. Its bad to think like this. I know it, but this is always how it has been. Im starting to think that I cried when I was born as a baby because I knew what it would be like for me to live. That I was born to suffer.
35 comments
I thought i would let you know that I read your post…
Your boyfriend should not say things like that to you.
I’m sorry that you are suffering. Feel free to write more here, we don’t judge…
Yeah, hes just being honest and forever truthful. It just hurts, and thank you. I will. Im just now starting to get back into writing.
Alot of people aren’t good at standing up for themselves (myself included). I would change that list. Not to ‘good’, but I’d do away with it altogether. You have been there for them and thats a good thing. It seems like you want to do everything ‘just right’, maybe kind of like a perfectionist (I’m just guessing). As for taking it out on the person, I’m not sure why you do that, but maybe you feel that the person doesn’t understand. Sorry for my poor answer
Yeah, I am. Its always has been a problem with me. If something isnt perfect, I changes my whole mood and I either become obsessive with trying to make it perfect or I give up and get depressed over it. Yeah, im not sure either. Im passive aggressive about taking it out on people though and I make sure to communicate to not talk nor mes with me. The thing is that after me saying that, whoever is with me at the time either gives me a complete attitude, or wont leave me alone. At all. Whatsoever and try to do things that they think is best for me. It just always backfire and then now two people are feeling shitty. Yeah. I know that they understand to a degree, but when they ask me to talk about my problems and on those super rare occasions that I tell them whats bothering me, they either dismiss it, downgrade it, and say things like im upset over nothing, or is that all? or They’ll just tell me what they think im upset about. So then I give up on ever trying to communicate and talk to that person.
Yeah I try to make things perfect all the time. I try to improve stuff because I never want anything to be as bad as me…
Raven,
My heart goes out to you. You’re beating yourself up with that list. What are you good at! What are you working to improve? We all have things in life that we need to work on. There’s nothing wrong with assessing ourselves and slowly working on things… one at a time do we don’t overwhelm ourselves. This doesn’t make us bad.
Panda is absolutely right about your boyfriend speaking like that. He shouldn’t be.
Im sorry. I was actually going to make a list with that one with the things that I am good at but I only came up with three things. and looking at only those three things and thinking about it just made me feel more shitty about myself. The three good things were cleaning, helping others, and not holding value to money. Yeah i’ve been trying to slowly work on the things im bad at. Like this week I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in hopes of getting back on meds.
Well, that’s better than I could do… List of things I’m good at:
Being bad at things
Ruining everything
But don’t be sorry. It happens.
Never a need to apologize.
Three things is a good start… and it’s a respectable list to be honest. There’s certainly nothing wrong with cleaning. Helping others demonstrates compassion. Not holding value to money is difficult in our society and quite respectable. I think you’re taking steps in the right direction. From experience, the meds can certainly help.
I think you have a lot to offer… yourself and others… possibly much more than you give yourself credit for.
kid.in – You can do many good things. For starters, you show a lot of compassion. Your words here speak loud and clear.
I try. But I feel like I fail at everything. Oh well.
kid.in – You certainly DON’T fail at everything. Not at all.
But most things.
Not at most things either, kid.in…. I have no doubt that you’re successful at quite a lot of things.
Failing, and faking being happy. I rock at those two… Just sayin..
right, and it seems like the more that you try the more that you fail? Its a loop. You want the best for others but your breaking down
You can break the cycle. Difficult yet possible. In order to care for others, sometimes you have to take care of yourself first. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you’re not taking care of the person who is doing the caring.
You will fail a lot in life. Failing isn’t a big issue. It happens. The important piece is learning from it… and then using what you learned to move forward and increase your success.
Kid. in. the. dark. I know one thing that you are good at. Or one thing that I think that you are good at. You and everyone else here just made me feel a little bit more sane. Like im not crazy for feeling like shit. So thanks for that 🙂
Distant. Road. Yeah, see I start to think like that. It was my sole purpose for living Is to make sure that I never see anyone suffer the way that I did. So I like to do anything and everything to help whoever. But you know, I get people like my bf who tells me I shouldnt be around people because of how fucked up I am and that I’ll spread my negativity because negativity spreads. Like when asked what do I want to be, I used to say a therapist. So many people gave me shit for it that now I dont want to be one. Im mortified of the thought now.
Follow your dreams, Raven. There is a time and place to follow advice. If someone tells you to respect your elders and don’t throw rocks at cars, that is reasonable advice.
What’s NOT reasonable is when someone wrecks your dreams. Don’t be mortified. Why not prove them wrong? You’ll receive A LOT of bad advice in life. Consider the options yourself. Perhaps you’ll agree. Perhaps you won’t. It’s important to make sure that YOU are making the decision.
You know, distant.road, I mean this in a good way, someday you will write somebody the worlds best fortune cookie. I hope I get it. My last one just said “blue”…
I’d do my best, kid.in, to make you a fortune cookie thst you deserve… one that inspires you. There is little doubt in my mind that you’ll go far. Take anything that inspires you and run with it… all the way to the finish line of success.
(… and please remember your friends when you become rich and famous …). 🙂
Rich and famous… Doesn’t sound like me. I’m not supposed to live to summer… I but there is no way I’d forget my friends if I made it to famous.
You’ll make it WAAAAAY past summer! If you put your mind to it, you can do it! You can… and I’m sure you will.
It’s not my choice whether I make it, unfortunetly…
You have the power, kid.in… If someone gets in your way, wish them well in life and go right past them.
What if I dont prove them wrong? What if I prove them right? Also I realized that I cant bare the thought of going to school for another four or so years, with all those people.
Do I have to wish them well in life? What if it’s the creator of farmers only?
They might need all the well-wishing that they could get. :). But it’s probably a valid exception not to…
Yeah…especially if I meet the owner… I’d have a thing or a million to say, maybe do, to him…
Maybe you can study programming and make your own dating website…, and then you can sit on a farm and count the millions that are coming in! 😉
Hmm… I’ll think about it… Idk how to make a website though..I’m that sad..
Many people don’t know how to make a website…. Lots of people pay a design time to get the site up and running.
You don’t need to know everything about everything. It’s impossible. Once you find something you enjoy, you’ll become an expert at it. 🙂
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