Not being stupid, is painful.

This is my first post. I hope its not my last.

Hmm..well..its hard . Waking up every single day. Going to school. Coming back home. And going to bed again. Going to sleep , at night.. is scary. Because you know ,then you’ll have to wake up tomorrow. I just feel like im done. Not that i dont have anymore strength left .but that i have no will left.

Really got no reason to go through each day. I hate going to school. Sitting there, among the same people. And feeling disconnected. Meh. There’s just a friend, whose presence keeps me from giving in .gives me hope, that its not all that pointless.we dont really talk now. Its sad 🙁 i kinda love him. But my head doesnt want me to be happy i guess. Screwed up our thing ( ambivalence, and fear of intimacy probbly) i think i have bpd. Also i kinda need him (bear hug :/ ..anyone? ). But wont talk to him. I want to keep him away from this. Just wanna see him happy.he has a great smile btw 😉

I have lost interest in food. And pretty much everything.

I think,  human beings are all stupid . And scared. We have created a world. Our world. On a scale comparable to our own size. To distract ourselves. From the realization that . We are all , purposeless. Pointless . Their is really no sense to it. We are random creatures. Born by chance. Without purpose. And maybe , there is this void inside of us. This realization of how insignificant human race is, that is too painfull to admit.and acknowledge. And to avoid that, people pretend like they matter. They form human relationships. To validate their existence. Trying to make sense out of it. Probably, people are scared. Or ignorant. What do you think?