Update

My first post on here was in April of 2015. It is now April of 2016 and I am back on checking this website for the first time in months. I wish I could say that time healed me, but I cannot. I am doing better some days but I know that is because I rarely leave my house or my room. I turned 20 at the end of March. I needed that birthday. It was a good day. I still want to die. I still think about it regularly. I’ve been getting out of the house a little bit more now. I actually have a girlfriend now which is a big testament due to my trust and commitment issues. I still have almost no desire to live or to better myself. I finished a college application, another huge testament to my recovery. I have not submitted it yet. Baby steps. I do not have a real job yet. I’m back to losing hope though. It’s been since October-November since the last time I have cut myself. I still have a hatred for therapists. I still do not know whether I am going to kill myself. I hope I grow some balls to do it one day. Time will tell. I hope everyone is doing okay. I wish nothing but the best for everyone. It is night time for me so that is why I say I hope everyone has a good night. If it isn’t night where you are. well, then I hope you have a good day.