What the fuck is it with being like paralysed, blocked, unwilling, against doing anything that would be considered normal living thing. I don’t understand myself. I was bloody 5 months in the hospital, most of it convinced that I was gonna kill myself anyway, but now I have new hopes like continuing my studies in university and stuff. But somehow it just has to be that I can’t get myself together to do the most fucking essential things like brushing teeth. I just don’t get myself anymore. Is it really some mental illness fucking my mind up or what the hell is going on with it? It is like my head is empty of thoughts when faced with casual fucking real life. Cooking, teeth, communicating, sports…. no, dream on, you gonna watch endlessly series on netflix to forget reality and the need to deal with it. Am I lazy? Going the easy path of being apathetic? Just FUCK.
I don’t feel like I have something to do with life as such. I feel like my existence is just a coincidence. Or then again that I have something to do with life but it is out of reach. Eternal unluck.
I was just a while back enthusiastic creating a new suitable comfortable life to myself. To build myself up again to face life challenges. Well now I just vegetate purposelessly doing nothing and finding excuses to it. How can tear myself out of it?
Ideas of trains cross my mind again. Maybe it would work this time. But it’s not where my mind is supposed to be at all.
Hope is the last.
5 comments
Please man just talk to me lets try nd survive
Yeah lets survive. I really don’t want to go on THAT path again
You definitely need to go to sleep every evening at the same time and get enough sleep.
Your brain’s executive functions (the ability to DO stuff like e.g. brush your teeth) are dependent on sleep. So is learning.
If you are depressed, sleep should be the FIRST thing you fix IMO.
The thing is I don’t understand is it really depression or what. It is so weird. But thank you for the advice.
How do we get through this?