Hi guys. It’s been awhile since I’ve been here. I have pretty much been doing the ‘keepgoingandhopeitgetsbetter’ thing. You know- putting off til tomorrow what I don’t really have to do today. There have been a couple new developments in my life.
For the past twelve months I’ve been staying with my parents again. Yes, I’ve been on my own since 20 and have now, after some major life events, had to swallow my pride and move back in, in my 30s. Well, finally my patience has been rewarded and in a few weeks I’ll be moving back into a place of my own.
I’ve also started seeing a guy. He knows I have a dark past, but doesn’t know just how much it effects my life now. For many reasons, I cannot see us lasting long term, one being that he’s quite a bit younger than I am which magnifies the insecurities I already have about myself. And I cannot honestly believe anybody would want to be with me if they knew the real me. I keep wrestling with feelings of unworthiness and wonder if I should just spare him some time and break it off. Or should I just try to enjoy it while I can?
3 comments
It is good to see someone doing better in their lives. It makes me happy and gives me hope that things will go better for me as well.‘keepgoingandhopeitgetsbetter’ is a good advice. To a answer your question, enjoy all the little things life gives you, if he wants to be with you that means that he is happy so why not enjoy your relationship together. I hope things keep going better and better for you.
Thing is, the key things which make me suicidal have not changed. He seems to be a temporary distraction. I still have chronic illness which I have almost given up hope of overcoming. But yes, I will try to enjoy the moment unless and until it is made clear that I can’t anymore.
That is what i meant. Enjoy the moment. Distractions are good (at least i think so), keep our minds away from bad thoughts.