I am so tired of my life and myself, my thoughts makes my throat hurt and the pain shivers down to my chest. Its so tempting to just ram a knife up my throat. If I ever get my own apartment I woulnd’t be surprised if I actually did something like that, I want to cut my guts out, bleed out and destroy myself. As many others on this place my urge grows bigger towards my birthday, I don’t know why that is.. but I suppose to me it feels natural to go out on the same date that you came in.. I also had some goals I wanted to complete before my birthday and of course did not manage.. Hard to know how long I should put up with my life, I don’t want to end up like the older people on this website with huge regrets that they didn’t end their lives 10-20 years ago.
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I could imagine so, I’m 18 years old and I remember when I very first wanted to end it. I wish I had bled out the very day I pussied out of my first attempt. My life feels empty, antipsychotic side effects that are occurring 6 months after stopping, depression, anxiety… Muscle spasms. I can only feel self remorse, and the guilt I wince everytime I use a resource that could be used for a greater good.
The worst part though, I’m an awful person. I know it’s supposed to common to think that, but I know for a fact that if I were on someone else’s position, I’d shoot myself. The pains that begin in my throat only to travel as a cool wave down my body are all too common. It’d be in everyone’s best interest to ride themselves of the parasite that is me.
In defeat we redesign the plan, and we give it just one more chance
As we take another deep breath, and prepare for the worst, again