I am so tired of my life and myself, my thoughts makes my throat hurt and the pain shivers down to my chest. Its so tempting to just ram a knife up my throat. If I ever get my own apartment I woulnd’t be surprised if I actually did something like that, I want to cut my guts out, bleed out and destroy myself. As many others on this place my urge grows bigger towards my birthday, I don’t know why that is.. but I suppose to me it feels natural to go out on the same date that you came in.. I also had some goals I wanted to complete before my birthday and of course did not manage.. Hard to know how long I should put up with my life, I don’t want to end up like the older people on this website with huge regrets that they didn’t end their lives 10-20 years ago.