I’m not even sure if I can tell what is real anymore. The last year is a blur. I lost my wife. I quit my job. I lost my drivers licence. And now I cant even walk.
Recently I picked a fight with the wrong guy who broke my nose and then my leg when i was on the ground. As I am getting the shit kicked out of me I yell “KILL ME” at my attacker who immediately stops. Him and his friends back away as I black out.
I wake up in extreme pain. My foot is pointing the wrong way and I call an ambulance. I can’t stand the pain in my leg. There is blood everywhere, its streaming quickly out of my nose. The police arive, I inform them that I dont want to press charges, what I want is morphine. I black out.
skip to now, I have a job which I can barely do. My parents are helping me but I feel terrible asking for money as they are just as broke as I am.
I am a broken man. The love of my life is gone and its my fault. She wont come back. I was about to start a good paying job before I got my leg broken, now I cant. My current job was boring when I could use both my legs. Now its almost impossible.
I cant do this anymore. I just cant. I know people love me, I know it would hurt them but I just cant keep going on this way. I know my leg will heal, I will just find a new and exciting way to fuck up my life again.
I dont think I can keep going anymore. Who would have thought a guy with as much potential as me would give up on life before he turned 26.
3 comments
I had passed from this kind of time and i was on the edge of leaving the world. Nobody broke my legs though. But let me tell you, and i know you would agree. Physical pain is nothing. It is the pain inside you that kills. Now you can leave straight away and let others fill sad. Who cares. They are just there to feel sad. Alternatively you can think again. Like me. it`s free anyway and you can choose earlier option anytime. Let think how to get forward. I had lost job and was broke as f. Nothing mattered. i was hungry and wanted to leave. so i thought to eat in a near by restaurant, refuse to pay and get dead. Very simple. So i ate like never before. Ordered expensive items. When i asked for bill, i was informed that i was asked to present myself in the office of the owner. When i went to the office, i see an old classmate of mine.Long lost connection. We talked and he felt that i am not doing well. so he talked and that comforted me. This thing opened new doors which i never have thought. Never imagined. I am not great now but its better and works for me. Stay with us. Stay with this world. It is indeed a awesome place. Reply here. we can talk more.
That sounds terrible. But you’re still so young. Take each day one at a time, and focus on the small things that might make you feel a little better. Please stay strong.
Like a Lego set, in order to create something new, you have to deconstruct the previous creation that no longer satisfies the requirements. Repurpose the pieces from the former creation to develop something completely new.
That said – let’s be honest and objective – you kinda sorta … directly created your current situation. I mean, how … in any scenario (not including self defense) … does fighting – physical, knock down, drag out bar brawling … end in a positive? It’s all risk and no reward … if you’d have somehow managed to win the fight YOU picked, you’d probably be in jail! Where is the “win”? What would you have gained? If you want to fight for glory – join a gym and learn and fight MMA or Boxing – at least then it’s legal and fair (no opponent’d friends jumping in) and it has the up side of championships and potential money/fame pay out.
I honestly don’t know many women who can tolerate that type of behavior and risk taking for any length of time (like more than a day – and only on RARE occasion) so if something like this fight is in any way the rule and not the exception – it’s no wonder she won’t come back.
Ok – that’s the harsh reality – apologies for stating it – it’s not my intent to criticize … let look at the positives:
You’re Intelligent – you were moving up to bigger and better things before you blew up your world – you’re well written and well spoken as evidenced by your post. This means, with a little thought and maybe a little education, you can find a way to work and make money with your brain and not your brawn. But you’re going to need to think out of the box a bit.
You’re HONORABLE – you KNEW that the fight was your choice and you TOOK responsibility! This is very honorable and mature – I don’t think your opponent would have been as honorable in a loss. Honor is an exceptional quality – and when coupled with your new found wisdom of thinking through the potential consequences before taking a risk, you have the opportunity to find a BETTER woman than before.
But here is the crossroads – you have to recognize that you either want to live and improve and have a BETTER life where you learn and experience all the things that you choose going FORWARD … or you choose to try to go BACK to where you came from … and undo the lessons you’ve learned to be where you’re at today … and put yourself in the position to have to RElearn those same lessons.
You remind me of me 20 or 30 years ago – I thought I had it all figured out and that I was indestructible … newsflash – we’re not. But nor does life end from a single injury, a lost love or a missed opportunity … life changes. We have to be prepared to change with it and we have to try to predict those changes and anticipate to minimize surprises.
You, have parents that love you and will do anything for you – form a plan to find a way forward – look for a new way to make a decent living that challenges you – your goal in part, to find something that will help you honorably repay your parents for being there to catch your fall – everybody stumbles – get up, dust yourself off, and get back in the race – forget the past, forget the girl – focus on YOU. One step at a time, one task at a time Each task is a Lego Block – add it to the others, one at a time – before you know it, you have a whole new creation, a new, secure and foundationally sound life, a new profession, a new girl and proud parents.
It’s a fight you can WIN … if you choose to PICK this fight 🙂
All the best, young man, I wish you well – I think you got this once you choose to 🙂
reminiscent dawg