I don’t want to try and fight this shit anymore. Its funny because this thought never goes away. It lessens. Well today its a little stronger than normal. Its been building. Festering probably going to morph into an alternative better version of me. The sad thing is that I doubt anyone would be able to tell the difference. They would like “her” more. I’m being consumed by my own demons. I gave up on trying to fight them long ago. I’m fucked for however long I live. I’m stuck living, failed at taking my life and a whole bunch of other shit. I can’t even have a normal day where I don’t either hate myself and want to claw every organ out of my body or wish that everyone else would die. So you see my mind is a very complex place to be. Not to make living worst for me, oh Satan forbid it gets any better but what would you do if your territory, If your home got invaded for good? That you signed up for one thing and ended up with something else? See its human nature to either adapt and change or to whine about it. I did both but there is only so much changing that one could do. There is only so much that someone can take before they snap. I’m close to that breaking point. I’ve been keeping it controlled for as long as possible but alas it was all in vain. My second home, my sanctuary has and is being contaminated as I’m typing this. I don’t get any say. There is no longer a Nirvana. If there is one, I find it amonst strangers for briefs amount of time. Just someone to talk to without me having to feel like the burden that everyone likes to point out to me as if I already didn’t know. But hey its cool. I mean if I died right now who would honestly give a shit? Not a fucking one. I mean sure you have your pretenders who talk shit behind your back but hang out with you and are nice to your face? Yep, that’s how everyone is towards me I think. Well I’ll keep you guys posted on my lame life rants. Into Oblivion I go.