Stepped over a ledge today without a hit of self preservation instincts(survied, the fourth time I’ve failed at dying). No butterflies in my stomach, no sweat in my hands, I simply no longer have any fear of death. Then it occured to me: if i dont have any fear of dying why should i fear change? So i quit my job, emptied my bank occount, moved, confessed everything i had left to confess. I figure in a month I’ll either have a good life or a great crime scene but for now it seems like killing myself was the one exciting thing i had left to do and now it seems boring. I’m stuck between why bother living and if i die now I’ll waste everything i wanted to do with my suicide so i geuss I’ll just let you know in a month or I wont…?
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2 comments
I believe that a person that commits suicide does not necessarily fear death or the unknown anymore more or less then a person that would never consider it. Really, courage could be said to be a person being so scared of something but still going ahead with it, and that could be to go ahead in dying or go ahead in carrying on living.
I think it boils down to whether the urge for death is greater then that to live. I’m not sure fear of change and dying are linked in anyway.
I am glad that within you, you still had/found reasons to stay :0)
“I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” ~ Frank Herbert, Dune