Are you kinda OK now? what were you thinking? Thing’s are never that bad. pill’s and alcohol i bet! oh well your back! now try to reframe from such shit like that, you are a hero to me.
Someone kept their word a few weeks back and didn’t call the police when they could have easily done so with the information that they had. I respect them (an understatement) for doing what they did.
While it’s a horrible decision to make, sending out the police is nothing more than a Band-Aid.
Allowing people we love to be autonomous in their life choices is the hardest thing and the most loving thing anyone can do for a fellow human being. Controversial as the idea is, I firmly believe in letting go of peoples hands when they need to just be let go.
Risking an egg throwing event saying this, last time I said this I got bombarded by comments about what a horses ass I am and how irresponsible and wrong this way of thinking is.
@distant.road: I agree completely, it’s a personal choice. While it’s fine to try talking to someone online to show them alternate perspectives, real-life interference is not only a violation of privacy but downright frightening.
Btw, just so that a comment I made on a post about Ant was not misconstrued: I was suggesting that somebody who knows him well enough outside SP call him directly. I was definitely NOT suggesting that someone call the police. No, no, no! I do not believe in calling the police on anyone! Ever!
@rocketman: (1): You said “Absolutely not, people have a right to duck out of this site without the cops banging on their door making things worse.”
I remember it because (a) I was so grateful to find that someone had immediately stepped in to protect my privacy, (b) We actually agreed about something, and (c) your spell-check didn’t misspell any words. 😛
a) I ate a blueberry muffin.
b) I am wearing a black shirt, a black skirt, and a black jacket. Black socks, black shoes.
c) You got this one right; five keys.
When I was growing up, back in the dark ages, Lucky Charms only had four marshmallow shapes: orange stars, green clovers, pink hearts, and yellow moons.
It was a big giant whopping deal when they added blue diamonds, and later when they added purple horseshoes.
Wow, that is a lot of blood compared to my knife test cut… Also, why would you cut your neck when you don’t know where and how deep to cut!? I bet failed neck attempts are the absolute worst! I got a small scratch on the side of my neck from a seat belt and it stung for days!
Rant aside, I’m sorry things have gotten so bad that you made a significant attempt, Cordless. I would offer you a stiff drink but I don’t know alcohol.
Ending on a lighter note, prepare to get the shit hugged out of you by HDS. “Welcome to the Zetsu666 News. Today’s Cordless forecast shows 100% chance of teary-eyed hugs by a hysterical Sunflower.”
I didn’t mean to be a killjoy, HDS. I just guessed you were making a “Gone with the wind” reference since it was the only “Victorian/Southern-era Sappy Movie” I could think off.
Anyway, would you have preferred me thinking you’re just weird or me being an unintentional killjoy?
Well Zet, better get the fan because I’m fading fast.
Always wanted some young stud to frantically fan me while I fainted. Now I am ready to leave this beautiful world because my deepest desire has been met.
P.S. thank you also (rocketman too) for quickly coming to my defense on that other post. I swear, if anyone starts sending police to my door, I will never come back here again. That really pissed me off. So thank you for sticking up for me when I couldn’t speak in my own behalf.
Yeah. Your life is your business, ESPECIALLY when you’re interacting online. If you had said to someone you email/message, etc., “If I inexplicably disappear for a week or so, and you think you might have reason to be concerned about my well-being, here’s the contact info for my local friend or relative. You can ask them if they could check in on me.” Otherwise, people should stay out of it, even if they’re worried.
Luckily you wear long sleeves for performances. This won’t affect your horn playing will it? that would be absolutely awful.
I might have over reacted about you missing and posted looking for you a few too many times. I even got called out about it, which well I guess is just life right?
No one should be alone in this world, even if it is just reaching out to a group of totally fucked up people on an anonymous website.
So umm, holy shit.
I saw the picture and opened the post and I was just… God damn I wish I could hug you…
I’m glad you’re still with us… Even though I wasn’t commenting, I was sending you emails and didn’t get any back… And I was following the trail of posts about how worried everyone was about you. Please just take it easy, hun. *gentle hugs*
Love,
your number one fan,
Trey, the mindless gamer
Well its nice to know you are alive. But I am sorry to hear that things got so bad that you did this to yourself. I hate knives and cutting. But well, I guess as you mentioned. This is why we are all here at SP forum because we all have big issues that push us into these kinds of things. My last attempt I was in a coma for 2 days and total of 17 days in Hospitals. SO I have been close to death a times over my suicide ideation.
Well as you can see from the emails and the posts that we were all worried about you. Your my favorite SP poster and many others here think the best of you too.
We dont want you to end this way. But we all respect your choices
I wish you had emailed somebody or talked to somebody insttead of doing that to yourself.
But anyway. The past is behind us. Lets try to move forward. I wish I lived near you so I could come and visit > but I am way to far away.
Try to hang in there. For now just focus on recovering from this and try to get a mindset to put it all behind you and to move forward. Things can get better > they really can.
Yeah I have no recollection of being in the coma. Which kind of blew away my thoughts about the afterlife. I have been feeding on the Bible for some years > and the Bible talks about heaven or hell for good and or bad people. But well I was near death in a coma for a couple days and I didn’t see any of that. I saw nothing. Just blackness and a big void.
I had no dreams, I didn’t meet any angles or any dead relatives. I just saw blackness. But part of me is still believing that something comes after. But what. I do not know. I just hope its something better then this world. and I believe goodness has something to do with it. LOL well I am glad your alive
hang in there OK
Interesting. I’m guessing the “next life” (or whatever we want to call it) doesn’t start until after we’re 100% dead in this life.
So that would explain why you didn’t see anything in the coma.
You weren’t done here yet.
If we really do get to move on to something better, then (if I qualify), I would very much like to have the simple kind of happiness I never got to have here.
I’d like a tiny seaside cottage with one lemon tree in the yard, and a flower bed full of stargazer lilies, and (most important of all), an awesome guy who loves me and wants to share that life with me.
Once is enough for me, I got lucky this time and i’m still fucked, I hardly believe next time i’d be luckier, we are all lucky we could have been cockroaches or something, just try to enjoy what you do have, it could be worse.
But if were going to dream 🙂
i’d like to be the biggest rock star ever, so rich i’d have pretty girls surrounding me, lighting my cigarettes, making my drinks, telling me how fabulous I look!
and around them my body guards completely surrounding so no cops could even get close to me, more than the president has.
And a huge mansion with a Olympic size swimming pool and tennis court, and a 9 hole golf court, over looking the ocean, with palm trees everywhere!
And a auditorium with a beautiful stage and a huge full bar.
dancing naked ladies in cages hanging from the ceiling.
a huge bed room with a revolving bed and light show.
i think that’s about it? 🙂
I’m going to be selfish and say that I’m really, REALLY glad that you’re alive. I’ve grown very attached to you, Cordless. And I’m so sorry about the pain that you’re in, and how alone you feel. I wish I knew what to do to help.
Sorry to hear about your recent unfortunate episode.
You have to be very careful about what sort of information you share with others, even people you trust. I had a well intentioned do-gooder email my real life sister because the concerned citizen was worried about me. This electronic Savior was 2,000 miles away and thought it was appropriate to intervene in my personal life. What they considered “helping”, I considered “unwanted meddling”. Oh well, lesson learned. (I shouldn’t have shared so much personal information with this person).
I suppose people do sometimes genuinely want help, which is ok if that’s what you asked for. But if someone does not want help, any form of well intentioned help just becomes an unwanted invasion of privacy.
Yeah… *blush* that was me, a couple years ago. Of course I didn’t mention anything about the thought of suicide (he hadn’t been talking about that specifically anyway), only that he seemed a bit “under the weather” and asked if she would call or visit him to see how he was doing. I really wanted to be there in person, but I was too far away (as I told her).
Anyway, the lesson that *I* learned in that scenario was that even if someone seems to be in a downward spiral, if you can’t actually be there with them, there’s not much you can do besides offer your support.
I definitely wouldn’t contact anyone living nearby a friend again, unless they instructed me to do so. (I would tell someone I trusted to contact my brother if I disappeared, though, just in case.)
(I did apologize many times afterwards. I got carried away in the moment and acted without thinking, due to having seen relatives die [accidentally, or suicide?] who seemed to have been going down similar trajectories.)
P.S. Let it be noted I had other friends who told me they were actually attempting suicide, but I certainly did not inform anyone about that. It was their decision and I respected that, and I still think the same way now.
I do agree with your sentence here: “…even if someone seems to be in a downward spiral, if you can’t actually be there with them, there’s not much you can do besides offer your support.”
mindlessgamers first reaction is as good as any, I guess. “so um, holy shit” is about all I can think to say before I can consider what else to type. Luckily forum posting provides the luxury of time for thought.
I’ve been mostly on what I saw distant-road describe as “SP read-only mode” for a good while now, but I, like many others here, have a fondness for you and your posts. Relieved to see that you haven’t disappeared without a trace. This post (along with music and a decent amount of alcohol) have stirred quite a few racing thoughts and emotions in my mind, most of which I’m either not poetic enough or not pretentious enough to want to try and portray here. The atrocious muddled word-soup that would ensue from such an effort would not be particularly tasty, I’m afraid. So I’ll leave that be for now.
I’m with hazy on the personal choices thing, though I’ve also been berated in my personal life for this sort of attitude. Talking, discussing, offering thoughts and advice is one thing, shoving your way in and forcefully condemning the person to the consequences of your point of view is quite another, whether you think it’s for the greater good or not.
More eyes I see (hah), never a bad thing in artwork. For my taste, at least.
Good night (gute nacht?), cordless (even if the “goodness” of it is questionable).
Sweetie don’t hurt yourself. We all love you and need you. Your like the life of the SP party.
Im a mess thinking you might hurt yourself again
promise you wont do it.
I wish i was still in Michigan so i could drive to where you were and give you the biggest hug ever. Im sorry you did that to yourself. In sorry you are in so much physical and emotional pain. You are a brilliant human being and I’m glad you are alive
Incidentally Ive been craving sugar cookies like crazy. I haven’t read every comment but i did see one about not sending police to your house. Did someone do that? I left sp for a month or 3ish and don’t know anything that has happened to anyone in that time.
No one sent police to my house but one person was suggesting it as a “good idea”.
It is not a good idea.
Ant, however, actually did have someone here send police to check on him.
Although we don’t have positive confirmation that he is dead, the prevailing consensus is that IF he is dead, that surprise-police-visit may have pushed him to get the job done sooner to avoid being committed.
I hope whoever committed that extremely intrusive offense realizes the enormity of what they’ve done.
Thats awful to hear. Turning people in ruins the safe haven that sp can be. When did you do that to yourself(sorry if its in one of the other comments)
deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful)6/6/2016 - 12:19 am
Please please please please please reach out first before hurting yourself. I don’t personally have a way of contacting you directly but i would if i did. If you don’t want to share your contact info please post first. I hope you heal in every sense of the word.
I’m sorry you’ve been hurting. But I’m glad you are still with us. I consider you to be a good friend on here and truly hope you start to feel better soon. On a side note, I had a dream you lived across the street from me and you had lots of shiny blue plates. You explained the reasoning behind them but of course I don’t remember that detail..
Well, I don’t want to even talk about it cause it scared me so bad but I had found a piece of paper that said you were dead.
Please don’t give up on this life, you have so many people rooting for you. I know I am. You are an amazing composer (you should make a sound cloud account) and you’re so smart and witty. I for one, really enjoyed our late night chats and thought about you so much during the past few days.
I don’t remember much about that one, I just remembered I opened up a piece of paper and written in red type it said what it said and I had one of those heart sink momebts
I’m happy that you’re back… Eventhough I barely know you, I have always enjoyed you being around here, you tend to make me smile more than anyone else here (sorry everybody else)…. I’m also sort of sad that you felt the need to do that, but I understand….
Do you have a bucket list? Is there anything you want to do that you haven’t done yet?
Personally, I want to swim with sharks in the open ocean. No cages, no protection, just me with big toothed sharks cavorting in rules free waters.
What do you wanna do before taking the Big Eternal Dirt Nap? Eat super high-octane hot sauce?
Some of my bucket list things have already been done, like composing something and having our symphony play it at a concert. In fact I’ve done that multiple times by now, so it doesn’t feel like a challenge anymore.
LOL… did the super-octane hot sauce, too. Good stuff.
I had wanted to learn to play all the Mozart horn concertos, and for awhile there, I was making good progress.
Maybe I can get back into practicing those again.
I also wanted to learn to speak fluent German.
Still working on that.
I like German because no matter what you say, it sounds like you’re on the verge of being pissed off.
You could be saying “I love the beauty you have brought into my life,” and it comes out sounding like “You and your loved ones will never see daylight again.”
Yes, I spent 4 years in the Coast Guard
I also spent 2 years learning how to speak, read and write German. My dad said “What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you a Nazi sympathizer”? Hahaha. “No. English and German were the same language 750 years ago. Anglos and Saxons, man” They just diverged and did their own thing.
Whatever.
Sharks don’t care if you speak English, German, French or Vulcan. They don’t care about how well you swim,either. Those pointy ears are superfluous.
Cordless, I have a couple of random questions to ask you but I’d prefer asking via email, is it ok? I like to ask first before emailing people. I’d rather not clog up threads with my random questions.
I can’t promise that I will answer them; some of this will need to be kept personal.
Also I’m usually not the chatty email type.
You can email and ask, as long as you’re ok with the answer possibly being “I’m not comfortable answering that.”
I hope you are in a little bit better head space now. I know what it is like to need to cut. For me I am afraid of not feeling anything. So when I feel myself being overwhelmed by emotions or thoughts that cause me to shut down I center myself with the pain. And surprisingly it works for a little while, sometimes taking care of them even becomes an automatic routine that I don’t remember doing.
Exuse my short story:
Just wanted to let you know I am sorry for the pain you are in. Just know you are not alone in it. And I hope it gets somewhat better. Even if it is just one less line needed next time…
Self-induced bleeding is a rarity for me; usually I’m just too squeamish about the pain to even consider it.
But I guess these last few days have shown that there is an exception to every rule.
Holy shit that sounds awesome, scary and disturbing all at the same time! To be honest, I just thought writing in blood was a horror cliche. Didn’t think anyone had the stomach to write in blood, let alone their own… Ugh, how could you stand the extreme iron smell, Cordless?
I’m occasionally borderline anemic, so I guess maybe that day there wasn’t enough iron for me to notice…?
Not sure.
I don’t remember it having any kind of scent.
I absolutely have to reply to this. It will pain me too much to not reply. You are loved Cordless. *hugs* please try not to do this again. I’m so sorry if I sound selfish but your a wonderful person I mean that 🙂
I just noticed the admins removed the picture of my blood.
WTF.
Couldn’t get them to answer me no matter how many times I wrote to ask for help on tech issues months ago, but they swoop right in within 24 hours to censor my post.
Unbelievable.
Did one of you contact them to register a complaint about the picture…?
What exactly happened here?
138 comments
Atleast your alive!! Dammit! Stop that shit! you had us worried sick!!! welcome back! we love you 🙂
It would have been ok for you all to just let me bleed out.
WHAT’S THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN? We don’t want you to bleed out! were glad you didn’t 🙂
Are you kinda OK now? what were you thinking? Thing’s are never that bad. pill’s and alcohol i bet! oh well your back! now try to reframe from such shit like that, you are a hero to me.
I dunno about “kinda ok”, but I am here.
And yes things ARE sometimes that bad.
That’s why we’re here on sp.
well yeah! me too! i understand, don’t do it no more please 🙂
No pills or alcohol, BTW.
it is always best to do these kinds of things sober. *redacted.
I have a million questions none of them appropriate.
Not to deep i hope?
Oh, look, a squirrel…
This will sound weird because you don’t know who I am. but I think I speak for everyone here when I say its good to hear from you.
What a nice thing to say.
Thank you for that.
🙂
WELL GET READY YOU HAVE A MILLION PEOPLE THAT WILL WANT TO TALK TO YOU! 🙂
I dunno about that, but ok.
People who offer a refreshing cold beverage can move to the front of the line.
Cordless, you can’t bleed out. You’re too good for that.
I dunno about “can’t”, but at least we can agree that I “didn’t”.
An ice pack sounds splendid right about now.
There you are! Sorry you are feeling so bad. How is your wrist doing?
It hurts worse where I sliced the side of my neck.
Oh dear, that does sound painful.
Cordless, the side of your neck!!! AWWWW! DID YOU STOP THERE!!!! AWWWW!
EXCUSE ME I’M GOING TO FAINT!!!!!
Aim for the sofa.
I’m glad you’re okay, Cordless. It’s good to see you.
Thank you.
And especially thank you for coming to my defense on that other post where someone was ready to send out the police.
Holy crap.
FTR I would never send police to your house. I’d just hold your hand so you weren’t alone.
I’m alone anyway, even in a crowd of people.
But thank you.
Someone kept their word a few weeks back and didn’t call the police when they could have easily done so with the information that they had. I respect them (an understatement) for doing what they did.
While it’s a horrible decision to make, sending out the police is nothing more than a Band-Aid.
I agree completely.
I still can’t believe someone did that to Ant.
Outrageous violation of privacy.
I’m relieved that you’re still here.
Allowing people we love to be autonomous in their life choices is the hardest thing and the most loving thing anyone can do for a fellow human being. Controversial as the idea is, I firmly believe in letting go of peoples hands when they need to just be let go.
Risking an egg throwing event saying this, last time I said this I got bombarded by comments about what a horses ass I am and how irresponsible and wrong this way of thinking is.
Leaving doesn’t have to be lonely.
I wish Ant didn’t have to make that decision. However, it’s a personal decision. No interference needed.
@distant.road : Thank you, I’m grateful for that.
@hazy: Then they can throw eggs at both of us, because I agree completely.
I agree with you Hazy. Unconditional support. Politically correct or not.
@distant.road: I agree completely, it’s a personal choice. While it’s fine to try talking to someone online to show them alternate perspectives, real-life interference is not only a violation of privacy but downright frightening.
Btw, just so that a comment I made on a post about Ant was not misconstrued: I was suggesting that somebody who knows him well enough outside SP call him directly. I was definitely NOT suggesting that someone call the police. No, no, no! I do not believe in calling the police on anyone! Ever!
And that was only because people were questioning whether or not he was really gone. Not because I thought anybody should interfere in his choice.
That was me! I said differently not 🙂
i new you’d be back i told you I have special power’s now do you believe me!!! 🙂
@rocketman: (1): You said “Absolutely not, people have a right to duck out of this site without the cops banging on their door making things worse.”
I remember it because (a) I was so grateful to find that someone had immediately stepped in to protect my privacy, (b) We actually agreed about something, and (c) your spell-check didn’t misspell any words. 😛
🙂
Thank you again.
@rocketman (2): Nope! Gotta do better than that to qualify for the special powers list. 🙂
Let’s see if you can answer these questions:
a) What am I eating right now?
b) What am I wearing?
c) How many keys are on my keychain?
ha ha! that’s right! i can’t even remember what i said 🙂 don’t need to thank me, you would do the same!! 🙂
ah errr ah? that’s not my specialty in the special powers but i’ll give it a shot!!!! 🙂
#1 your eating a bowl of lucky charms!!
#2 your a wearing a see through teddy with garter belts and a bow tie!!!
#3 you have 5 keys on your chain!
Your wearing a bathrobe i was kidding 🙂
Oooooh.
One out of three.
a) I ate a blueberry muffin.
b) I am wearing a black shirt, a black skirt, and a black jacket. Black socks, black shoes.
c) You got this one right; five keys.
Don’t they have something blue in lucky charms???? there magically Delicious!!! 🙂
HUM? ALL BLACK!!! HELLO I’M JOHNNY CASH!!!! I FIND THAT SEXY!!!! YOU BLACK MAMBA!! MAMBA BABY BABY MAMBA!!!
blue diamonds!!!! 🙂
When I was growing up, back in the dark ages, Lucky Charms only had four marshmallow shapes: orange stars, green clovers, pink hearts, and yellow moons.
It was a big giant whopping deal when they added blue diamonds, and later when they added purple horseshoes.
God only knows what they have now.
Plaid trapezoids, for all I know.
hey that gives me an idea for a new cereal! “Depressing little bits!” little crappy flakes with marshmallow shapes of Zyban ,Zoloft,paxil,prozac!!!
Tastes terrible, but stays crunchy in milk!
Wow, that is a lot of blood compared to my knife test cut… Also, why would you cut your neck when you don’t know where and how deep to cut!? I bet failed neck attempts are the absolute worst! I got a small scratch on the side of my neck from a seat belt and it stung for days!
Rant aside, I’m sorry things have gotten so bad that you made a significant attempt, Cordless. I would offer you a stiff drink but I don’t know alcohol.
Ending on a lighter note, prepare to get the shit hugged out of you by HDS. “Welcome to the Zetsu666 News. Today’s Cordless forecast shows 100% chance of teary-eyed hugs by a hysterical Sunflower.”
Is this where you get the fancy fan and start frantically fanning my flushed face as I daintily pass out from the sheer excitement of the moment?
Be still my beating heart.
*blinks confused* If you’re making a reference to “Gone with the wind” or something, I don’t get it… My joke wasn’t a reference to anything.
You’re no fun sometimes Zet.
Like the scenes with Aunt Pittypat?
LOL
I didn’t mean to be a killjoy, HDS. I just guessed you were making a “Gone with the wind” reference since it was the only “Victorian/Southern-era Sappy Movie” I could think off.
Anyway, would you have preferred me thinking you’re just weird or me being an unintentional killjoy?
@zetsumei: note to self, necks hurt WAY more than arms.
@hazy: yes.
Well Zet, better get the fan because I’m fading fast.
Always wanted some young stud to frantically fan me while I fainted. Now I am ready to leave this beautiful world because my deepest desire has been met.
knew!!!! ugh!!! 🙂
Ouch. 🙁 Are you in the hospital?
No. Nobody else knows.
Clothes cover everything.
P.S. thank you also (rocketman too) for quickly coming to my defense on that other post. I swear, if anyone starts sending police to my door, I will never come back here again. That really pissed me off. So thank you for sticking up for me when I couldn’t speak in my own behalf.
Yeah. Your life is your business, ESPECIALLY when you’re interacting online. If you had said to someone you email/message, etc., “If I inexplicably disappear for a week or so, and you think you might have reason to be concerned about my well-being, here’s the contact info for my local friend or relative. You can ask them if they could check in on me.” Otherwise, people should stay out of it, even if they’re worried.
Exactly right.
I’ve been looking for you since you left. I knew something was wrong. I could smell it in the wind.
I will keep my dignity intact by just saying you mean more to me and the folks here than you could ever know.
Keep that clean and dry. Did you require stitches or did you just butterfly that closed with a butterfly bandage.
sigh. FFS. I was worried.
No stitches.
Nothing.
Previous scars have healed so well I can’t even see them anymore.
This will heal too.
Because of bad circulation and other health issues, I don’t heal well at ALL on my legs and feet. But arms are ok.
Luckily you wear long sleeves for performances. This won’t affect your horn playing will it? that would be absolutely awful.
I might have over reacted about you missing and posted looking for you a few too many times. I even got called out about it, which well I guess is just life right?
No one should be alone in this world, even if it is just reaching out to a group of totally fucked up people on an anonymous website.
No it won’t affect anything musical.
Thank you for asking and caring.
I guess for now SP is home.
Is my favorite seat still empty?
Always.
So umm, holy shit.
I saw the picture and opened the post and I was just… God damn I wish I could hug you…
I’m glad you’re still with us… Even though I wasn’t commenting, I was sending you emails and didn’t get any back… And I was following the trail of posts about how worried everyone was about you. Please just take it easy, hun. *gentle hugs*
Love,
your number one fan,
Trey, the mindless gamer
Thank you for the email.
(You and others too.)
I’m sorry I wasn’t in a frame of mind where I could coherently respond to anyone.
Please forgive me.
Well its nice to know you are alive. But I am sorry to hear that things got so bad that you did this to yourself. I hate knives and cutting. But well, I guess as you mentioned. This is why we are all here at SP forum because we all have big issues that push us into these kinds of things. My last attempt I was in a coma for 2 days and total of 17 days in Hospitals. SO I have been close to death a times over my suicide ideation.
Well as you can see from the emails and the posts that we were all worried about you. Your my favorite SP poster and many others here think the best of you too.
We dont want you to end this way. But we all respect your choices
I wish you had emailed somebody or talked to somebody insttead of doing that to yourself.
But anyway. The past is behind us. Lets try to move forward. I wish I lived near you so I could come and visit > but I am way to far away.
Try to hang in there. For now just focus on recovering from this and try to get a mindset to put it all behind you and to move forward. Things can get better > they really can.
You can email me anytime.
Greg
Thank you.
I’m sorry I wasn’t in any kind of headspace to respond to email.
For me personally, I don’t think things can get better.
There are just too many things I can’t fix.
I’ve never been in a coma but I imagine it would be very peaceful.
Sort of a life-death compromise.
Or the equivalent of a truck stop along the way.
Yeah I have no recollection of being in the coma. Which kind of blew away my thoughts about the afterlife. I have been feeding on the Bible for some years > and the Bible talks about heaven or hell for good and or bad people. But well I was near death in a coma for a couple days and I didn’t see any of that. I saw nothing. Just blackness and a big void.
I had no dreams, I didn’t meet any angles or any dead relatives. I just saw blackness. But part of me is still believing that something comes after. But what. I do not know. I just hope its something better then this world. and I believe goodness has something to do with it. LOL well I am glad your alive
hang in there OK
Interesting. I’m guessing the “next life” (or whatever we want to call it) doesn’t start until after we’re 100% dead in this life.
So that would explain why you didn’t see anything in the coma.
You weren’t done here yet.
If we really do get to move on to something better, then (if I qualify), I would very much like to have the simple kind of happiness I never got to have here.
I’d like a tiny seaside cottage with one lemon tree in the yard, and a flower bed full of stargazer lilies, and (most important of all), an awesome guy who loves me and wants to share that life with me.
Once is enough for me, I got lucky this time and i’m still fucked, I hardly believe next time i’d be luckier, we are all lucky we could have been cockroaches or something, just try to enjoy what you do have, it could be worse.
But if were going to dream 🙂
i’d like to be the biggest rock star ever, so rich i’d have pretty girls surrounding me, lighting my cigarettes, making my drinks, telling me how fabulous I look!
and around them my body guards completely surrounding so no cops could even get close to me, more than the president has.
And a huge mansion with a Olympic size swimming pool and tennis court, and a 9 hole golf court, over looking the ocean, with palm trees everywhere!
And a auditorium with a beautiful stage and a huge full bar.
dancing naked ladies in cages hanging from the ceiling.
a huge bed room with a revolving bed and light show.
i think that’s about it? 🙂
dancing naked ladies in cages hanging from the ceiling….??
O.O
You know i’m joking! I just would want to be happy with nothing. 🙂 HAPPY!!!!
It’s fascinating that your dream-afterlife was so fancy and lavish, where I wanted something so simple…
And the odds are, neither of us will have either one of them.
I swear I could just cry.
Able-bodied healthy people take so much for granted.
People with boyfriends/girlfriends who love them take so much for granted.
I’m going to be selfish and say that I’m really, REALLY glad that you’re alive. I’ve grown very attached to you, Cordless. And I’m so sorry about the pain that you’re in, and how alone you feel. I wish I knew what to do to help.
Awww.
Thank you very much. 🙂
Sorry to hear about your recent unfortunate episode.
You have to be very careful about what sort of information you share with others, even people you trust. I had a well intentioned do-gooder email my real life sister because the concerned citizen was worried about me. This electronic Savior was 2,000 miles away and thought it was appropriate to intervene in my personal life. What they considered “helping”, I considered “unwanted meddling”. Oh well, lesson learned. (I shouldn’t have shared so much personal information with this person).
I suppose people do sometimes genuinely want help, which is ok if that’s what you asked for. But if someone does not want help, any form of well intentioned help just becomes an unwanted invasion of privacy.
Anyway, hope you recover quickly.
All good advice and wise words.
Thank you. (!)
Yeah… *blush* that was me, a couple years ago. Of course I didn’t mention anything about the thought of suicide (he hadn’t been talking about that specifically anyway), only that he seemed a bit “under the weather” and asked if she would call or visit him to see how he was doing. I really wanted to be there in person, but I was too far away (as I told her).
Anyway, the lesson that *I* learned in that scenario was that even if someone seems to be in a downward spiral, if you can’t actually be there with them, there’s not much you can do besides offer your support.
I definitely wouldn’t contact anyone living nearby a friend again, unless they instructed me to do so. (I would tell someone I trusted to contact my brother if I disappeared, though, just in case.)
(I did apologize many times afterwards. I got carried away in the moment and acted without thinking, due to having seen relatives die [accidentally, or suicide?] who seemed to have been going down similar trajectories.)
P.S. Let it be noted I had other friends who told me they were actually attempting suicide, but I certainly did not inform anyone about that. It was their decision and I respected that, and I still think the same way now.
Yikes!
I do agree with your sentence here: “…even if someone seems to be in a downward spiral, if you can’t actually be there with them, there’s not much you can do besides offer your support.”
Very true.
mindlessgamers first reaction is as good as any, I guess. “so um, holy shit” is about all I can think to say before I can consider what else to type. Luckily forum posting provides the luxury of time for thought.
I’ve been mostly on what I saw distant-road describe as “SP read-only mode” for a good while now, but I, like many others here, have a fondness for you and your posts. Relieved to see that you haven’t disappeared without a trace. This post (along with music and a decent amount of alcohol) have stirred quite a few racing thoughts and emotions in my mind, most of which I’m either not poetic enough or not pretentious enough to want to try and portray here. The atrocious muddled word-soup that would ensue from such an effort would not be particularly tasty, I’m afraid. So I’ll leave that be for now.
I’m with hazy on the personal choices thing, though I’ve also been berated in my personal life for this sort of attitude. Talking, discussing, offering thoughts and advice is one thing, shoving your way in and forcefully condemning the person to the consequences of your point of view is quite another, whether you think it’s for the greater good or not.
More eyes I see (hah), never a bad thing in artwork. For my taste, at least.
Good night (gute nacht?), cordless (even if the “goodness” of it is questionable).
Atrocious muddled word-soup isn’t all that bad if you add enough crackers to it.
And a turkey sandwich on the side.
Thank you for coming out of read-only mode to comment.
And especially thank you for the kind words.
I realize there are a lot of good supportive people here. It’s hard to remember that during a crisis.
Sweetie don’t hurt yourself. We all love you and need you. Your like the life of the SP party.
Im a mess thinking you might hurt yourself again
promise you wont do it.
I can’t promise that.
But I will try to remember what you said.
I wish i was still in Michigan so i could drive to where you were and give you the biggest hug ever. Im sorry you did that to yourself. In sorry you are in so much physical and emotional pain. You are a brilliant human being and I’m glad you are alive
It’s ok. I’ll pick up this virtual hug you’ve sent through the air.
(At least I hope that one was yours….)
It smelled a little bit like coffee and sugar cookies.
Not bad.
Incidentally Ive been craving sugar cookies like crazy. I haven’t read every comment but i did see one about not sending police to your house. Did someone do that? I left sp for a month or 3ish and don’t know anything that has happened to anyone in that time.
No one sent police to my house but one person was suggesting it as a “good idea”.
It is not a good idea.
Ant, however, actually did have someone here send police to check on him.
Although we don’t have positive confirmation that he is dead, the prevailing consensus is that IF he is dead, that surprise-police-visit may have pushed him to get the job done sooner to avoid being committed.
I hope whoever committed that extremely intrusive offense realizes the enormity of what they’ve done.
I’m not sure I know who ant is / was but i hope he isnt dead. That is messed up when people send the police. It doesn’t help things at all.
He is/was a guy from the UK, another composer who shared his music here.
Most of his later posts were about his suicide plans.
They were detailed, and he was serious.
He had the date set and everything.
I’m pretty sure he deleted all of it, once he realized that someone here had “turned him in”.
Thats awful to hear. Turning people in ruins the safe haven that sp can be. When did you do that to yourself(sorry if its in one of the other comments)
The days have kind of blurred together so I’m not sure, but I think I did the drawing on Friday and the bleeding on Saturday.
Not sure 100%.
Please please please please please reach out first before hurting yourself. I don’t personally have a way of contacting you directly but i would if i did. If you don’t want to share your contact info please post first. I hope you heal in every sense of the word.
That’s a lot of pleases!
I think the pain inside will be what heals last, if it ever heals at all.
The pain inside may never heal but our scars don’t have to define us. Please please please please please take care of yourself(please?)
I’m sorry you’ve been hurting. But I’m glad you are still with us. I consider you to be a good friend on here and truly hope you start to feel better soon. On a side note, I had a dream you lived across the street from me and you had lots of shiny blue plates. You explained the reasoning behind them but of course I don’t remember that detail..
I saw you had two dreams about me, and one was horrible.
What happened in that one?
Well, I don’t want to even talk about it cause it scared me so bad but I had found a piece of paper that said you were dead.
Please don’t give up on this life, you have so many people rooting for you. I know I am. You are an amazing composer (you should make a sound cloud account) and you’re so smart and witty. I for one, really enjoyed our late night chats and thought about you so much during the past few days.
A piece of paper said I was dead?
And… did they end up finding me?
This would make a great murder mystery story.
Though a disappointing story, if the last chapter was “Hey, everybody, she’s ok, check out her sp post.”
I don’t remember much about that one, I just remembered I opened up a piece of paper and written in red type it said what it said and I had one of those heart sink momebts
Please please reach out to us for support in the future if it gets that bad again. We all want to help.
I agree.
Thank you, although I have no idea what I would say.
Those kinds of moments/days aren’t always brimming with logic and great choices.
I’m happy that you’re back… Eventhough I barely know you, I have always enjoyed you being around here, you tend to make me smile more than anyone else here (sorry everybody else)…. I’m also sort of sad that you felt the need to do that, but I understand….
I knew that if anybody would understand, it would be SP.
Thank You for being glad to see me.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention it…. But I like the drawing too ^-^
Thank you!
I kind of expected someone to ask which came first, the drawing or the bleeding.
Answer: The drawing.
Do you have a bucket list? Is there anything you want to do that you haven’t done yet?
Personally, I want to swim with sharks in the open ocean. No cages, no protection, just me with big toothed sharks cavorting in rules free waters.
What do you wanna do before taking the Big Eternal Dirt Nap? Eat super high-octane hot sauce?
That’s a great question.
Some of my bucket list things have already been done, like composing something and having our symphony play it at a concert. In fact I’ve done that multiple times by now, so it doesn’t feel like a challenge anymore.
LOL… did the super-octane hot sauce, too. Good stuff.
I had wanted to learn to play all the Mozart horn concertos, and for awhile there, I was making good progress.
Maybe I can get back into practicing those again.
I also wanted to learn to speak fluent German.
Still working on that.
I like German because no matter what you say, it sounds like you’re on the verge of being pissed off.
You could be saying “I love the beauty you have brought into my life,” and it comes out sounding like “You and your loved ones will never see daylight again.”
Yes, I spent 4 years in the Coast Guard
I also spent 2 years learning how to speak, read and write German. My dad said “What the fuck is wrong with you? Are you a Nazi sympathizer”? Hahaha. “No. English and German were the same language 750 years ago. Anglos and Saxons, man” They just diverged and did their own thing.
Whatever.
Sharks don’t care if you speak English, German, French or Vulcan. They don’t care about how well you swim,either. Those pointy ears are superfluous.
Morris werent you in the coast guard? You didnt get to do that on your R&R time?
Coast guard? Really?
Hopefully youre feeling a little better now cordless, you make some great threads (and music)
I’m a little more at peace, possibly-maybe.
I am overwhelmed by how many of you have commented on this.
Wow.
😮
We all care
Cordless, I have a couple of random questions to ask you but I’d prefer asking via email, is it ok? I like to ask first before emailing people. I’d rather not clog up threads with my random questions.
I can’t promise that I will answer them; some of this will need to be kept personal.
Also I’m usually not the chatty email type.
You can email and ask, as long as you’re ok with the answer possibly being “I’m not comfortable answering that.”
That’s totally fine. I am not in the mindset to ask right now but will be soon.
I hope you are in a little bit better head space now. I know what it is like to need to cut. For me I am afraid of not feeling anything. So when I feel myself being overwhelmed by emotions or thoughts that cause me to shut down I center myself with the pain. And surprisingly it works for a little while, sometimes taking care of them even becomes an automatic routine that I don’t remember doing.
Exuse my short story:
Just wanted to let you know I am sorry for the pain you are in. Just know you are not alone in it. And I hope it gets somewhat better. Even if it is just one less line needed next time…
Self-induced bleeding is a rarity for me; usually I’m just too squeamish about the pain to even consider it.
But I guess these last few days have shown that there is an exception to every rule.
In fact, I think the last time was 5 or 6 years ago (?), for the purpose of making a costume for a party:
http://suicideproject.org/2016/03/my-costume-in-blood/
Before that, I think it was all the way back in high school, which was further away than I’d like to admit.
Holy shit that sounds awesome, scary and disturbing all at the same time! To be honest, I just thought writing in blood was a horror cliche. Didn’t think anyone had the stomach to write in blood, let alone their own… Ugh, how could you stand the extreme iron smell, Cordless?
I’m occasionally borderline anemic, so I guess maybe that day there wasn’t enough iron for me to notice…?
Not sure.
I don’t remember it having any kind of scent.
Feel free to email me cordy. You’ll have my email from the comments
Man your posts get a lot of replies. Your up into the hundreds.
Please dont do the cutting thing anymore. For one > a person almost never dies from that and two its just too messy and nasty looking.
For me cutting is the last thing I would do. There are other ways to die that arent so messy.
I’m just dropping in to say hi and give you a virtual hug. Others probably have already (thread is too long to go through) but *hugs* you anyway.
I’m sorry you did this to yourself… :{
I absolutely have to reply to this. It will pain me too much to not reply. You are loved Cordless. *hugs* please try not to do this again. I’m so sorry if I sound selfish but your a wonderful person I mean that 🙂
I just noticed the admins removed the picture of my blood.
WTF.
Couldn’t get them to answer me no matter how many times I wrote to ask for help on tech issues months ago, but they swoop right in within 24 hours to censor my post.
Unbelievable.
Did one of you contact them to register a complaint about the picture…?
What exactly happened here?
Have no idea? THE MAIN THING HERE IS YOUR ALRIGHT! 🙂
Correct, I have no idea what happened there, or why that picture got deleted when so many other grisly pictures have been allowed to stay up.
OK LET ME REPHRASE THAT ALIVE!! 🙂 I know you to well!!
Maybe I’m not alive, and this is what zombie-cordless is condemned to do for eternity.
It would certainly explain why I haven’t eaten anything all day long.
Rocketman? Can you spare a brain or two? I’m hungry.
I’m sorry when god was passing out brains i said no thanks i’ve all ready eaten go figure!!