they won’t let me take the mouthguard off. i’m not allowed to leave the house. i got arrested last week but that doesn’t feel like it matters, really. it’s not on my record and if it’s not on my record colleges won’t see it and for some reason the one thing i want more than anything else is to go to college. i don’t give a shit about afterwards. maybe i’ll finally fortify and shoot myself. that’d be a pretty good end, really. i don’t have the energy to get dressed most days but somehow i’m just a bit better than i was. i can go back to public school, finally, but only with an IEP. which is really a good thing, i guess. it’s the middle of summer and i’m still trying to finish last year’s homework, because of that dumbass psychotic break. apparently if you miss a month it takes 25 years to make up for it.
i want them to stop with the bandages and oven mitts and sideyes because guess what? maybe i will hurt myself somehow but that isn’t your fucking business. it’s my body. it belongs to me and it is me and if you can wear makeup i can wear burns and bruises, alright? fuck.
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I’m curious. Why do you want to college? I’m only asking because you said that you don’t care what happens afterwards. So what is it about college that makes you want to go? And do you know what you want to study?
i’m not sure what i want to study, actually. the only jobs i really think about having don’t even require a degree, but for some reason i guess i feel like college is the finish line. also, i really wanna get the hell out of the town i live in, and college gives me the opportunity to do that