It’s my first post there, so hello, I guess?
I need help with my boyfriend. More precisely, breaking up with him.
We’ve been together for almost 3 years if I recall correctly. It’s a long distance relationship.
There are few reasons why I don’t feel like dating him any longer;
- We’re completely different. Different things make us laugh, we think differently, we have different problems. He’s a massive pessimist, hates himself and the way he looks (had (has?) bulimia), talks about his problems a lot, is very complicated, hangs out with people, loves cuddling, drinking, smoking and drugs (never did any serious ones, only some meds and pot, I forced him to stop), he’s awfully sensitive, cuts himself, and he doesn’t really care about my problems or my mood (he doesn’t realize that I guess…). I used to be a bit like that before I started taking my meds but now… I’m more of a optimist/realist, I like the way I look (except my body, I’m ftm transsexual but i try not to think about it), I’m a simple minded and logical person, I don’t have friends and usually just sit in my room drawing all day, I don’t like talking about my feelings and dislike listening about others too much (sometimes it’s alright but hearing about him hating himself and his life everyday is just plain annoying), I don’t drink, hate smoking and drugs, I’m really not sensitive, and I don’t self harm anymore (used to a lot). I have to “listen” to his pessimist babble all day. He keeps saying that there’s no future for him, that his life sucks etc. Annoying.
- I don’t find him attractive. He’s transsexual as well and his female body grosses me out. Probably due to my own gender dysphoria. Because of this, I don’t want to engage in any sexual activities with him (I already did and I hated it. He doesn’t mind my body but I do. I still need to talk with him about it).
- He’s annoying. Talking to him annoys me. He’s irresponsible, doesn’t listen to me and prefers to get wasted instead of doing something to get better. Life’s hard on him, sure. His family is retarded and he can’t rely on them. They don’t believe that something such as mental illness could touch their child, they think he’s just lazy. He’s turning 18 in January and then I’ll make him seek medical help on his own.
I need help because I don’t know what to do. I’m not even sure if i want to break up with him but everything seems to be heading that way. The thing is, if I do that, he’ll just kill himself. He said many times already that if it wasn’t me, he’d become a massive drug and alcohol addict and then kill himself, besides, he has few suicide attempts behind him. He didn’t say that to threaten me, he just loves me. He keeps telling me that and I know it.
He’s the only one I have and yet, I’m sick of him.
8 comments
So you want to break up? Go ahead girls coming and Goes. I never had girl But if i get one I’ll try best for her but what if this life is just joke Look at yourself And one day you’ll understand How funny we’re With others eyes.
Yeah, the thing is, he’ll kill himself. I don’t want that.
I understand your situation I really do.. Like his life depends on you? I mean who knows how strong he loves you..
He will do what he does regardless. If you really are that worried, I think you need to reflect on if you love him enough to work through these problems with him. If you really think he will kill himself, how will you feel? I’m not saying to blame yourself at all, that’s his decision to make even if HIS emotions drive him to that conclusion. I’ll be honest, most attempts aren’t successful. I knew someone who was in the same situation, her boyfriend would threaten to kill himself and he would often hurt himself by cutting, but even when she did break up with him eventually he moved on, he’s still alive being his normal douchy creepy self. Maybe try setting him up with a good support network before you leave him, making sure he is regularly seeing a therapist or has a good friend who can watch out for him and help him through the break up. The tough thing is that his family is so unhelpful because that is a major support system for a person to have. I think in the end, it’s not your job, but I commend that you want to do the right thing, rather than being callous.
I think Alum’s post pretty much covered. My two cents, it’s not right for your bf to blackmail you into staying in a relationship that you don’t want to be in. I understand that he’s suicidal but if he wants to change his life it’s up to him to work at it.
You don’t have to cut him off completely, you can still be a friend/support for him but you have a right to be with someone who makes you happy. If he’s made suicide attempts before then clearly he’ll do it whether you’re there for him or not.
Just have an honest discussion with him-let him know that you care but that you are mismatched. Ask yourself if he wasn’t suicidal would you have stayed with him? He can’t guilt you into staying either. If he does kill himself, he won’t be the first or last person to make that decision.
But if he does want to get better, then he can seek professional help. A therapist can help him transition and he’ll probably feel much better once he’s in the right gender, you might become better friends after too. Don’t be upset if you don’t like his body as he transitions-obviously you should be with someone who attracts you-including their body. He should understand that.
*typo-covered it.
I wish I could offer some sort of help in a way…. But I wish you luck. ^_^ *hugs*
I would like to quote Captain Jack Sparrow: “Only two morals matter in life – what a person can do and can’t do.” If you can leave him, you will leave him. If you can’t leave him, you won’t leave him.