Like many users of this site, I have been reading through many of your stories and I guess I finally want to share my story with all of you. I’m 15, gay, and depressed. I know that sounds like a lot of you on this site. This summer I did something that I deeply regret. On this teen dating app, called Distinc.tt, I had sex with 55 year old man. I was scared, and when he came to my house I just sort of let him guide me through it. He tried to pressure me into anal, sticking his fingers up my ass, but I told him to stop. He left right after, and still sometimes tries to message me, but I don’t respond. I didn’t realize until after the fact that I had technically been raped. I felt so much shame, and I became depressed for a while. I am using masturbation as a coping mechanism I think. I often skype with random strangers and masturbate with them. It makes me feel so guilty, but I secretly love the positive attention I receive from the older men. Right now, though, I’m facing coming out. So far, I’ve only come out to one person, one of my friends. She was very understanding which is great. However, I feel like I need to come out to my parents and unfortunately, every time I feel the urge, I get scared and chicken out. School is also a big problem for me. There aren’t really too many gay people at my school and there are none in my grade. I’m just so tired of this fucking life. I often feel the urge to just move far far away, and forget all my problems. I just want to leave everything behind. I am also a pathological liar and deeply insecure. I don’t self harm or anything but I have haphazardly attempted to take my own life with a bed sheet. It wasn’t too legitimate though, and I’m not sure if you would classify it as a suicide attempt. This is probably not the most eloquent thing I’ve written, but it just feels kind of liberating to write all of this down. I would love to have some comments. Thanks
3 comments
Hey, J. I’m sorry to hear about what happened to you with that older man. But I’m very happy that you were able to put your foot down before it got too out of hand.
My brother, who is your age, is gay, and for two years he was too scared to come out to the family. He thought we would reject him, because we live with our grandparents, and older people do tend to be a little closed-minded. But we all accepted him, and we still love him just the same. You never know when people you thought would reject you will surprise you like that.
But at the same time, I would absolutely hate for you to come out to them, only to be rejected. So don’t think that I’m telling you that you should definitely come out to them, as that might not be a safe option.
I think it would be a good idea for you to lay out why it is you think they may reject you. It might be helpful to analyze your reasoning, because since none of us actually know your parents, we can’t really tell you what the best course of action would be.
Sometimes,it’s people like you that make me see the better side of humanity. You have been so much more brave,mor strong, and more resilient than so many other people. Some people may never have the same experiences as you have,but that just means you’re all the more smarter because of it. If and or when you come out to your parents and family, you should know that even if you get rejected, are called a liar,called a ******,know that they are they close-minded ones,they are the weak ones, because you will have just shown them so much more inner-strength and courage than they will EVER, be able to muster up.
Thank you both for your comments. I feel so much more content and secure at the moment.