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my first day

by catsnap24

today was my first day of school. i saw the people i loved, except they all hate me. the one person i hang with won’t think twice to make me look stupid if i say anything bad. all i can do is smile. because if i don’t they will judge me, they will know I’m not okay then they will win. but holding a smile when your about to tear your face off is hard. today one of my old friends, i went to sit with them and she said “she couldn’t do it anymore”. she was sitting by herself away from people, the only thing she couldn’t do is face me and realize what she did to me. but i can’t play the victim to them. i can’t to anyone. it seems the only way people don’t get more mad at me is if i say, “its my fault, I’m sorry” even though they still don’t forgive me, but if i do anything different then I’m a terrible person. I’m starting to think maybe i really am. maybe i need to be locked away. all i can think of is hurting myself. whats the point in being if no one knows your there?

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shatterediris 8/1/2016 - 5:22 pm

So rude…. Maybe you should try discussing this with them? they may not realize that they actually upset you -_- no idea…. then again that could end badly too :/ people suck and having friends is hard :/ people are not consistent at all.

tirednlonely 8/1/2016 - 5:40 pm

shatterediris is right, people suck. I thought once I was put of school all that petty bullshit was behind me and I hate to say it still exists beyond school and well into ur adult life. Ive been trying to meet new people and make friends for years and it doesn’t seem to work… it’s probably just me though because I have no problem cutting people out of my life when they get to be that way. true friends are one of the hardest things to find…

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