today was my first day of school. i saw the people i loved, except they all hate me. the one person i hang with won’t think twice to make me look stupid if i say anything bad. all i can do is smile. because if i don’t they will judge me, they will know I’m not okay then they will win. but holding a smile when your about to tear your face off is hard. today one of my old friends, i went to sit with them and she said “she couldn’t do it anymore”. she was sitting by herself away from people, the only thing she couldn’t do is face me and realize what she did to me. but i can’t play the victim to them. i can’t to anyone. it seems the only way people don’t get more mad at me is if i say, “its my fault, I’m sorry” even though they still don’t forgive me, but if i do anything different then I’m a terrible person. I’m starting to think maybe i really am. maybe i need to be locked away. all i can think of is hurting myself. whats the point in being if no one knows your there?