I am literally worthless. I am fat, ugly, disgusting, and stupid. I have absolutely nothing to live for and no good qualities whatsoever. I’m 35 years old in a horrible retail job I hate. I have no money or friends or anything to make me happy. I am an introvert and don’t know how to talk to people so it’s not easy for me to meet people. I get too nervous and start rambling incoherently. I am the stupidest moron who ever lived and I can’t do anything right. All I do is stumble and bumble through life doing one stupid thing and then the next.
Nobody will ever want me let alone love me and I will always be alone. I hate it. The thought of being alone and unloved for the rest of my life is unbearable but I know I am too hideous to love. The best I can get is someone who might want a one night stand or an affair behind somebody’s back. That’s happened to me twice because I’m so desperate to be loved I let people take advantage of me only to find out they are in a relationship with someone else. I know that is all I am worth and with the last guy, I tried to make it work, knowing I would never have a real relationship but I figured something is better than nothing. I just couldn’t do it. I ended up hating myself even more for it in the end. I know I will never have what I really want because anyone as hideous and worthless as I am doesn’t deserve to be loved.
Everyone in my family is already married with children and here I sit knowing that if I don’t finally get the guts to kill myself I will only end up a lonely old spinster with nothing but my cats for company. I’ll die alone and nobody will find me until the stench of my decaying body starts wafting through the door because nobody cares enough to see if I’m even alive. If I died today it would be the same. Nobody would miss me.
It would probably be better if I were dead. At least then I’d be worth something. My sister and mother would have my life insurance. That’s far more valuable than I will ever be. I am nothing. I will always be nothing but a waste of space and air. Every other person on the planet is better than me. I don’t deserve to live. I just don’t have the guts to do what needs to be done. The only thing I’m really scared of is the pain. I don’t put stock in religious beliefs and hell couldn’t possibly be worse than my life anyway. I just need to find a way to do it and get it over with. The world will be a much better place without me.
7 comments
hey, hang in there, at least for me. im 31 and i deal with a few things there are no easy answers for, but hey, you can still make a few friends like me over the internet at least, right? i could use the company, and im sure there are others who could use your company also. and what about meeting people through charity?
Are you really worthless or is it that people around you make you feel like that, because no one is worthless. We are all sentient beings able to think and to feel and we are all as important as one another. You are holding down a job, like me in retail, which shows a societal commitment, you just lack confidence, something else we have in common. I hope you can find a way to build up confidence, perhaps through communicating online to someone. Please be aware though that you are far from alone in how you feel, I can relate to so much of what you post.
well you have a job, so clearly you aren’t completely worthless. But it is kind of sad that you hate it though 🙁 that’s not perfectly ideal. I do hope that you do end up finding a person for yourself to have a positive romantic relationship with that will last forever. Good luck *hugs*
I wish I had something meaningful to say to you. I wish I could come up with a combination of words that somehow result in you feeling better. Your situation is similar to mine, and likely to many others on this site, so hopefully knowing others share your struggle will give some small comfort.
Is it your job, or your relationship status that makes you worthy? Perhaps partly, but those things can’t fully define a person. Maybe you aren’t worthless because you still hope to find love and potentially could achieve it, or because you aren’t harmful to others, or because your mother and sister love you? I don’t know. Sorry for rambling. I hope you feel better soon.
I do not know about you, but I do not usually look at people and judge their worth. Sure, some people are more attractive to me than others, and depending on the situation, one person might be more useful to me than another person. But that is just me, or that situation.
I mean: you are you. I think you are right about other people not caring, but sort of in a good way: they are too preoccupied with life to spend too much time judging you. Even when someone is horribly judged online, the trolls usually move on when they find a new target.
I am in retail too, I am not fat, but worry that I am too skinny (the irony, eh?). I also am really scared of social situations, but this job has certainly pushed me out of my comfort zone, which I think is good in the long run.
I just realised that regardless of how much you struggle and worry and fear others, at the end of the day most things do not actually matter that much, you just inflate them in your mind until they are towering and scary. The sad thing is you feel alienated from others and sort of want to get out of their way, but in many ways they are exactly like you!
I do not know if any of this makes sense, but hugs and remember that some men prefer big women, or just attach less weight (no pun intended) to looks than other men. I am thinking you probably have plenty of appealing qualities you have forgotten or overlooked. Anyway, this is about you being happy, not living up to someone else’s ideal.
Take care, and maybe try some self-compassion by answering these two questions:
1) What is the matter?
2) What would you say to someone else who had this problem?
NAH!!!!!!!!!!!!EVEN IF U FAT UND FUGLY, WUS THE PROBLEM NUKKA? I SEE NO FREAKING PROBLEM!!! TRUTH BE TOLD BETWEEN US…MOST PEOPLE R AFTER GORGEOUS LADIES… COME ON, WE SEE IT EVERY DAY!!!!! IF YOU NOT ON GORGEOUS CATEGORY U GET POOPOO AWFUL REATMENT THAT IS TRULLY SICKENING…ALL THAT MATTER IS A PRETTY BODY SOUL IS FOR ”LOSERS” THAT IS A STABLE MENTALITY IN THIS WORLD…
i am the same way, a worthless piece of crap. id be better off de_d. maybe youll find the love your looking for. i cant even feel love. i never have, not even for family, sure they are close to me but i lack the ability to feel feelings like that. but i have been given the power to feel negative feelings, i feel major sadness at all times. i can feel anger and frustration. growing up i used to feel happiness and joy bit that has been gone for over 10 years now. i have been laying in bed for almost all my free time. i want to do things but the depression holds me down. As if i was under a weight. i cant find any motivation at all. i dont shower anymore. i sleep all the time. i barely eat and when i do its junk because its fast. i havent cooked in over a decade. prob a good 15-18 years ago. i used to cook. anyway im rambling on. i cant even think straight anymore, my brain is all scrambled. sometimes i space out and stare at one spot for hours, thinking about how i am cursed to live a life of hell.