I keep bullshitting on the subject, but i think im finally going to go threw with it. After the bell rings to go to the next period, Ill step into the bathroom and take all the pills that I have with me at this moment. This will be my first ever attempt but I cant help but feel guilty about it. I have 3 friends that love and care about me, when theres something wrong with me, they automatically baby me up. I hate it so much because, it feels like a pit in my stomach that I shouldnt do it for their sake. If they knew how unhappy I feel, they would understand why I would choose todo this to myself. I reached out to my boy best friend tyler before making the decision of trying my first attempt. He ended up telling one of the other two people that are so close to me about it and one of them came to the bathroom where I was crying at to try and help me. But I hate when they baby me, it just makes me want todo it even more. Ive bared this type of feeling for way too long and need to get this shit over with. My mother has me going to a therapist and feels that its going to help get these terrible feelings out of my head. Sometimes I do feel better but other days I just want to crawl under something and die. I dont know how successful this will be, but you’ll find out sooner or later. As people say, I may be doing this for attention but I promise that all I want todo is get the pain out of my heart. My father did it, so why shouldnt I?