Hate

I am hate, its burning under my skin. My skull feels like it’s on fire. And all I do is keep quiet than scream of pain and agony. I am not self controlled, I am self suppressive. Holding myself back is my talent. I am listening to my storm of rage and sadness to plan how to let it go one day, I know I won’t.
Some weeks ago I cried for the first time in years again. After that I was so exhausted I cold barely walk the next day. To release a lot was not possible, I still feel the anger burning.
Keeping feelings shut down helps me survive, helps me live normally.
I don’t want to be this. And I don’t want to survive.