Sometimes I feel like smashing his face in.
I am thankful, and of course I respect and love my parents. But he has the worst temper and I fucking hate how a bad mood makes him become like a completely different person. I’ve never been close to my dad, and it’s only recently I’d decided to open up a bit more, but his shitty attitude whenever he gets annoyed really does me in.
He just takes every single wrong thing out on you, and it makes you feel worthless, useless, and just all together fucked up. The worst part is he doesn’t even realise what he’s doing, and he fucking doesn’t understand or comprehend an individual’s feelings. I don’t even think he’s learning. It’s fucking hateful sometimes, whenever he just decides to get pissed off and just treats you like the most useless thing ever.
I hate how not in control it makes me feel. And I’m ashamed to say that my dad’s words are a trigger, and a fucking powerful one at that. I hate that I can’t control my own stupid self, and he just makes all the self loathing and hate come back. I’m so uselessly weak I don’t know what to do.
It’s times like these I wish I was back in uni, or tearing myself out of my own skin.