im going to kill myself. i dont know when but i can feel it getting closer each day. i just have this feeling of emptiness that grows as the days continue. im only 15 years old. a sophmore in highschool. i should be hanging out with my friends or partying right now or something like that, but no im in my room alone wanting to be dead. i mean its new years eve for fucks sake. every kid known to man is with all their friends. i have friends (kinda) but i hate everyone at the same time i sit in my room all day everyday alone. theres this girl i really really like, i get goosebumps when she texts me ; shes different than all the other girls and i want to be able to call her mine. i know she doesnt feel the same about me, i think at least. she “has a thing” (as the kids my age call what are more than friends nearly to the dating stage) with this other kid. but shes always saying how he says her friends are hotter than her but idk. i would treat her way better. i might tell her but idk. i think i was born like this. i think my brain is fucked, i also have bad trust issues like i dont trust a single person in my school out of 3,000+ kids. i do good in school but can never motivate myself to do any homework or study or stuff like that, ive never abused any drugs never did any pills or meth or coke or anything like that but i do smoke weed and idk if that has to do with it but i really hope not because he only times im happy im high. im lost, im confused, and i dont know what to do. i think 2017 may be my last year.
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School can be a hard time yes, it was similar for me. I understand to some extent. I was socially awkward which took a huge toll on me. All I can say is
1- work on your social skills, just say fuck it and go talk to somebody when you’re out. Don’t neglect your academics.
2- Trust me, I know A LOT of people who went through depression in high school, but their personalities flowered in college, they were late bloomers. All you need to work on is social skills, don’t get embarrassed, just do small talk with people, and maintain a decent grade.
Keep sharing on sp.
School was a rough time for me too I was bullied by literally the whole school and everyone in my Town knew my name and if anyone found out my name I was ridiculed even by kids from other schools who knew people from my school even my family became targets it was purely awful. I did have a small group of people who talked to me they were also social outcasts who were also bullied and I was so grateful to have them but even then I had trust issues but I spoke to a school counsellor which sort of helped.
Is there a school counsellor you could talk to? they could put you in touch with other people that can help with social skills and anxieties.
Your so young everything changes after school, maybe try finding some coping methods just to get you through this hard time.
Very strong reply I appreciate you. I went through the same as you two I’m sorry that you are going through this I went through the same I was bullied I had no friends ZERO help I just like to be around people like us. I was jumped, robbed, and stripped naked in the locker room awful times I was white the only white boy in my class. Everything from 6th grade to 11th grade was tough every other school knew about me but I wasn’t suicidal I don’t know why I just never knew or thought about it. My suicidal thoughts feeling and tendencies started when after my graduation when I was 17 until now I’m 26 any day now I’m going through with it it’s awful because I don’t want to but being in debt never having a girlfriend losing a parent who was in debt everything watching your family enjoy themselves while I’m holding down two jobs the list goes on and on . If anime did not exist I don’t know what I’d do. But this is me at 26 not when I was 14 or 15 because I didn’t want to do anything to myself while I was that young until I had more proof like right now who I really am and how my life would be . All I’m saying is give it until after highschool many of us pull through because bastards like those bullies ant gonna be the reason why I die.