im gonna do it

January 1st, 2017by tylerb4110

im going to kill myself. i dont know when but i can feel it getting closer each day. i just have this feeling of emptiness that grows as the days continue. im only 15 years old. a sophmore in highschool. i should be hanging out with my friends or partying right now or something like that, but no im in my room alone wanting to be dead. i mean its new years eve for fucks sake. every kid known to man is with all their friends. i have friends (kinda) but i hate everyone at the same time i sit in my room all day everyday alone. theres this girl i really really like, i get goosebumps when she texts me ; shes different than all the other girls and i want to be able to call her mine. i know she doesnt feel the same about me, i think at least. she “has a thing” (as the kids my age call what are more than friends nearly to the dating stage) with this other kid. but shes always saying how he says her friends are hotter than her but idk. i would treat her way better. i might tell her but idk. i think i was born like this. i think my brain is fucked, i also have bad trust issues like i dont trust a single person in my school out of 3,000+ kids. i do good in school but can never motivate myself to do any homework or study or stuff like that, ive never abused any drugs never did any pills or meth or coke or anything like that but i do smoke weed and idk if that has to do with it but i really hope not because he only times im happy im high. im lost, im confused, and i dont know what to do. i think 2017 may be my last year.

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