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Why am I can’t be just happy?

by sadliet

Firstly, I should sorry for my English, I’m not a native speaker. So, okay…

Why am I can’t be just happy? Why I have to bear all this pain, hiding deep inside in me? I only want to smile so heartily as I was smiling before but it seems to me that I need to wait a lot of time before I can say that I am really happy. I just hate to wear this mask, to behave like everything is okay, to lie to myself that this time will end soon.

I’m tired. I’m so tired of it…

It’s started in the beginning of August, and I honestly thought my depression is finally over in the end of October but now I’m understanding that this depression only became weaker but didn’t disappear at all.

I hardly can find the reason why am I feeling so sad last time. I’ve got great parents who truly love me, I’ve got awesome sisters and brother, I’ve got the best friends ever… But I feel like I lost something important for me. One important detail that made me happy.

I want to be hugged by someone who really loved me. No matter, will it be friend’s love or parents’. I only want to feel myself safe… It’s killing me. I want to disappear  for some weeks. Or for months. Or forever.

I’m tired and I need help.

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