I’ve tied my noose with a long ass iPhone charger lmao attached and suspended from a nail in a ceiling joist in the basement.. just waiting until tonight when it’s dark and everyone is asleep and my mind and body has all night to die.. I’m ready for this it’s going to be accomplished.. im just not fit to be in this universe.. hopefully I’m making the right decision in on doing this for perhaps I’ve sent my burden free from myself and from everyone else that I’m still in a barley relationship with..I’ve lost a lot and I can’t stand being labeled after trying to change for the good and not the worse.. I feel left alone with my infesting disturbing thoughts.. literally one thought to another I can’t keep track of what I’m actually thinking.. I can’t express no more…. no one what’s to deal nor hear about it…unless it’s there job even then there judging you in there mind or secretly to someone else… it’s just as simple as this world is judgemental and there’s no way getting by that.. I fucking hate this world for what it is.. i hate my self for what I am… just everything is so screwed up.. living is so hard.. in countless of so many different ways.. I’m nor strong or capable of dealing with it.. I can’t even deal with my self.. it’s time to call it a quits..
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Good luck and god speed if it’s really what you want and it will give you peace, reconsider if your not really sure or if you think you could get help to improve things.
Thank you
I hope you find what your looking for. The communication will miss you. We’re here if you need to talk.
Community* darn that autocorrect
Sorry you’re in such despair. I hope you reconsider…changing for the better is only accepted when you’re around the right people. If you’re really at the end of your rope…haha…i hope nobody wakes up and interrupts your destiny…good luck, but really think hard about your decision…God always seems to interfere with suicide (personal experience). Hope to hear from you all night on sp.
speaking about god trying to intervene.. I was given an good opportunity in on trying to get my life on track but I don’t feel like I truly deserve this chance that this opportunity was only given bc of sorrow and love out of this truly hearted person.. the person I’d let down so many times that doesn’t deserve my burden no longer.. this person has their own problems and doesn’t need mine on top of that.. i wanted to take the opportunity on impulse trust me.. but I needed time to think on wants more important.. which are only 2 things.. dieing… or continue to TRY to live on with this chance I was gracefully given but with a price that I’ll still be left with mental issues..guilt and embarrassment/shame..it’s a lot more complicated than this I truly rather die than try to continue on with my life anyway..this chance was more and likely to get me out of this shitty DANGEROUS ass area they call Baltimore which is where I’m from but want no part of.. and for me to not commit suicide.. all I know is that there is this noose created iPhone charger in that dark cruddy fucked up rotted disgusting basement just waiting for me to dangle off ?
* LOL
It’s never a bad thing to help yourself. A good opportunity may be what you need. And as far as the person having their own problems that’s okay. Try not to burden them if you don’t have to, I’d you can tell us instead of this person that’s a little less weight on them if you take the offer. I hope to hear from you more tonight.
Maybe look at it like this…if this warm hearted person is giving you an opportunity you probably deserve it. We’ve all made our mistakes but all deserve a second chance. Im not sure how many chances you’ve had, but give it one more whirl. I’m bipolar schizo affective and i know how hard mental illness is. What are you diagnosed with? Meds suck, therapy sucks, depression sucks and not being the person that you think you should be sucks. Not necessarily tryna scare you out of suicide but if this is your first attempt be diligent. It only gets worse if you fail.
I honestly don’t even want to take it.. I’m diagnosed with a lot of things.. anxiety disorder.. bipolar depression.. schizo.. I’ve been thru psychosis 3 times that almost ruin my life legally.. but then there this side of me that feels normal and judges that other side of me.. that’s where the guilt, embarrassment/Shame comes from.. then on the other part of that more than enough people know about my fucking problems and manic psychotic episodes.. you should imagine how this makes me feel.. especially when see them in public or family member..like wtf.. I’m past the second chance phase.. but I wanted to thank you guys for replying to my post.. i was honestly more focus on replying to you guys to try to explain in on how I feel instead of ending my life on short notice.. nothing’s changed so far sense last night on how I feel it’s a big decision based on what I’m dealt with.. I know it’s not as easy as I’ve been making it seem.. yeah like putting a wire over your neck Is going to be peaches.. no lol..
Hope you’re still here. If not, I hope it was as painless as possible.