Hi. I’m back. The day was the same like any other day. I feel hopeless and I still made bad decisions. I made everyone around me mad. haha. I never change, do I. I always make things worse. I want to die. Last night I confessed to a friend about what’s happening to me. Know what he said? he said everyone experienced what I’ve been experiencing now. He said I shouldn’t let everything affect me. That I should just be positive cause I’m not the only one who’s suffering in this world. I shouldn’t be selfish he said. haha. They are all the same. Always saying the same thing. Not a single one understood me. They all think I’m just being a weakling. I guess I really am weak. I’m a fucking weak human. But what should I do? I’m crying right now. I always tried to be positive and make everything good but the more I tried to be positive, the more it brings me down. I feel like, everything is keeping me from getting happy. Why? why? do I deserve this? I want to be saved but I guess I’m not meant to be happy huh
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3 comments
Well, indulgence in self pity is rarely a good idea. Think about it, how often in your life have you ever just said, Gee, I wish everyone around me felt crappy too and would whine about it all day with me?
It’s your life and you can sit and feel sorry for yourself, but you probably won’t find a hell of a lot of people who enjoy listening to your self pity.
There’s a reason that they don’t sell products intended to make life more and more difficult every day.
You’re under no obligation to feel better about life, but it certainly will never hurt to try to feel better.
I was very much like you for a very long time and I hated every minute of it. When I decided that I was going to stop indulging in self pity my life took a dramatic turn for the better. Yours probably would as well, but nobody is going to do it for you.
Go take a look outside your front door and see the long line of people just begging to listen to your self pity. Must be thousands of them out there right now, huh?
No, it’s what you make of it. The fact of the matter is nobody has ever been obligated to feel sorry for you or anyone else for that matter.
I literally lost all my friends because of my depression. I left everything I had, I’m just waiting to die. Life is only misery and pain and I no longer wish to be it’s servant. Don’t let your friends tell you, “Everyone deals with shit” because not everyone deals with the horrors that we do.
I used to make the same mistake – going around telling all my “friends” about my condition. None understood, and none cared to try to understand. All started to quarantine me.
Try to put yourself in their shoes. They’ve been told repeatedly, by the media, by other people, that those who are mentally ill are “uncool”, “boring”, “negative”, “weird”, “dangerous”, and whatever else. Their minds are already made up about you. No matter what you tell them, they are likely only going to see you in a negative light colored by the widespread ignorance about “mental illness”.
It is understandable, what they do, if not justifiable. You wouldn’t know what it’s like to be a terminal cancer patient, so they don’t know what it’s like to be depressed.
I’m not siding with your friends, no no no. But, it helps to know where they’re coming from.
Don’t tell people about your condition unless you know they have the background/ability/willingness to try to really understand. A little knowledge is dangerous, and with them, knowledge is very little, myths abound.