I used to enjoy softball. It was hard work, sometimes it was draining, but I actually like. I don’t think I do anymore. Everyone expects something from me. My parents and tournament softball coach think that I can play college and expect so much more than I’m capable of. My high school coach thinks I can’t do anything and doesn’t give me a chance. He expects nothing from me. I can’t deal with all of this. I wish I could go back and start over. I wish I was more athletic. I wish I was more confident in myself. I wish people could see the real me. I wish I didn’t have to feel numb and empty anymore. I can’t feel. I should be stressed out of my mind this week, but I’m not. Because I’m done with this whole thing of living. I keep of telling myself I want to die and commit suicide, but I’m too scared to die. I’m too scared to get help. I’m too scared…
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Girl I honestly feel u and everything that u are going through. I play a sport too, and I had shot at getting a full ride .I was talking to coaches and they liked what they saw too. I was in all AP classes, excelling. I also had a boyfriend. My coach didn’t see any potential in my either (‘my home coach) and I guess it got to a point where I couldn’t it handle it anymore and I got admitted to a psych ward for a few months. I was so unhappy in there, but getting help has been one of the best decisions I’ve made. Even if the only reason why I got help was because the counsellor at school drive me to the hospital and I was admitted against my own will. It’s made this a lot better for me. Don’t get me wrong, I still feel shitty, but I have people to support me now.