I was a bit sceptical about this site at first. Then I read every post and thought to myself that I’m not alone. I was desperate to fix everything. I was hurt to see others hurt. I tried my best to help them and in the mean time I struggle with own troubles. I HATE to say this…but I HATE that particular person. And I HATE myself for hating her. I hate that I have to admit that I’m weak….I’m insecure. I hate everything. I live for years coping with anxiety and depression.
I met with several counsellors in my life. Now I’m 20 years old and this annoying mental illness just got worse by time. I don’t see any significant reason for me to stay. I just want to die. But then I read a post related to her loss. I think twice of committing suicide.
It’s just that…I’m not loved. There’s always better person out there that cherishes life and he/she can take a good care of those whom I loved. They bring more happiness than I am. I feel so left out. I started as an overachiever but it didn’t last. I lost to anxiety and depression. I was ashamed of myself. I just want to die. But I’m not a coward. I have to push myself. I feel nothing. It’s just numb. I don’t feel things that once I felt. I hate that I can’t do anything sometimes….I just sit on the corner. Contemplating my whole life. I look back what I’ve done that’s just useless.
I forgot how does not feels like. Can someone out there convince to just put myself back on track….?