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I was a bit sceptical about this site at first. Then I read every post and thought to myself that I’m not alone. I was desperate to fix everything. I was hurt to see others hurt. I tried my best to help them and in the mean time I struggle with own troubles. I HATE to say this…but I HATE that particular person. And I HATE myself for hating her. I hate that I have to admit that I’m weak….I’m insecure. I hate everything. I live for years coping with anxiety and depression.

I met with several counsellors in my life. Now I’m 20 years old and this annoying mental illness just got worse by time. I don’t see any significant reason for me to stay. I just want to die. But then I read a post related to her loss. I think twice of committing suicide.

It’s just that…I’m not loved.  There’s always better person out there that cherishes life and he/she can take a good care of those whom I loved. They bring more happiness than I am. I feel so left out. I started as an overachiever but it didn’t last. I lost to anxiety and depression. I was ashamed of myself. I just want to die. But I’m not a coward. I have to push myself. I feel nothing. It’s just numb. I don’t feel things that once I felt. I hate that I can’t do anything sometimes….I just sit on the corner. Contemplating my whole life. I look back what I’ve done that’s just useless.

I forgot how does not feels like. Can someone out there convince to just put myself back on track….?

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8 comments

SadPotato 5/8/2017 - 10:20 am

I’ve said this quite a few times on this site, but you can’t constantly compare yourself to others. Everyone’s different and everyone have different situations they find themselves in. The only worthwhile comparison one can make is with the person that you want to become. O and learn from the past, but try to not to dwell on it. It can consume a person.

peachmuffin143 5/17/2017 - 5:32 am

Thank you for your words. I’ll make sure to keep that in mind?

peachmuffin143 5/17/2017 - 5:34 am

I’m happy that there’s still someone out there know how it feels like to break inside out. Thank you so much

Fighting-For-Good 5/8/2017 - 10:44 am

Thinking is good. Think. And life is a test. Not a race to money, and wealth.

RobbieL1069 5/8/2017 - 1:16 pm

I feel like we are very similar, I started as an over achiever and hold my self to high standards but always fail… I have a wife that I think could do better than me, I feel like a burden most of the time, my wife and her family have taken me in since my parents are drugattics and I hate feeling like I don’t belong…lately I feel like a zombie, I’m not enjoying the things I love and it’s hard to do the things I need to do… I sit by myself and think if I should keep going on… What I would say to you is maybe you should reconsider everything, your dreams, aspirations, where you expect to see yourself when your 30-40-50. Ask yourself if that’s what you really want, there’s more to life than the American dream, we all stress out about getting a good career, the house, and every other stupid thing but is that really happiness? We constantly compare ourselves to others and with social media everyone’s accomplishments are shoved in our face… I would say try to think what you truly want and not to care about what others think. Do what makes you happy and fail means Failed Attempt In Learning…. its apart of life. Go out there and kick some butt

peachmuffin143 5/17/2017 - 5:48 am

Sir, thank you for your kind words. I’ve been thinking about changing for the past few days. I’ve even started to practice some skills to cope with my depression & anxiety. I’m getting better. I decided to chase the dream of which my parents want to. I didn’t plan it & I’ve never thought about it not even love what I’m doing. I just have to continue what I have now so that in the future,when I have a family of my own, I would tell my kids to grasp their own dream & I won’t interfere. All I have to do is to support them. I’ll be taking medical course.

starbucks 5/23/2017 - 1:55 pm

It’s my first time here on this website. I feel like were on the same situation, I have anxiety & depression but i havn’t meet up with any counselor cause I don’t know how to talk to them. No one knows my feelings cause I don’t talk about my feelings with other ppl except on this site cause it’s anonymous. My parents pushed me to do nursing, which I don’t know if I want or not or do I just want to do it for the salary. I don’t know if I did the right thing of following them cause right now i’m not having fun, but I don’t want to just leave the course cause i’m halfway done and i dont want to waste money that i already paid for. Life is getting harder. Sigh.

peachmuffin143 5/29/2017 - 5:11 am

We’re in the same page. I really not into this medical thingy. I just hope I can continue to draw and all. But my dad doesn’t approve that. He said it’s a terrible choice. He said art doesn’t even have its worth and it’s a waste of time. Even so, I have to learn how to embrace my new journey. Sometimes I hate myself for getting straight A’s. If only I don’t have it, I could’ve been making money as an artist. Anyway, I wish all the best for you. Let us both do the best! 🙂

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