someone here asked me what made me who I am right now. I am that type of person that has the worst case of remembering parts of my life. So, to be honest… I couldn’t remember. I’d like to think that my brain is telling me something for trying to suppress my memories.
I tried hard to figure out why am I like this. I looked through old pictures and I’ve stumbled upon a graduation picture from middle school. My heart broke when I saw myself. I was the kid that did well, I even got the chance to address a speech on graduation day. I remembered looking at the crowed to see my parents but I could only see my dad on the phone and my mom wasn’t there at all while I was giving the speech. I tried so hard to do well so I could picture my parents proud of me. After the graduation ceremony, my dad went home immediately to sort out work problems not even waiting for me to give me a ride home.
Time passed and on every school activity my parents don’t show up to the point that even my friends tease me for it and I laugh along with them to make it seem that I wasn’t affected. The hardest part was seeing other families on those events, wishing I had mine that day. At home it was also like this, they are hardly home, hardly asked me how I am, hardly knows me now, they even ask me when my birthday was and how old I am.
I think this made me depressed… or maybe its because of my aunt that had mental issues that my family labeled as crazy. The sad part is that she started believing maybe she is crazy and leaned to drugs as comfort. My family excluded her for what she is, she’s in and out of mental institutes and rehab. A part of me think that I have mental issuses that I refuse to let anyone know because I’m afraid that people would treat me crazy, like my aunt.
I guess this is what made me who I am…
1 comment
I’m the same way in that there’s a chunk of my life I don’t even remember. I couldn’t tell you how I felt or what I did, everything’s just a blur. Repression of a whole section of your life is a very real and scary thing.