people; getting stuff out of my head

even though i can’t feel anything and my brain is a blur, i can still pretend everything’s fine, and people believe it. don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing; i guess it’s a bit of both.
about a week ago, i was told that people saw me as someone composed and mature, and that i seem to be happy even when there’s bad things going on; that it helps others feel better. and i legitimately laughed out loud when i heard that.
off topic, but being a young person who just moved to the other side of the world is hard. wow, shocker! my family forgets sometimes. finding a job in a completely different place is hard too. people seem to forget that, too. so far I’ve had 3 jobs. i had to quit two of them because i was having panic attacks when i thought about having to do what they asked me to do. people forget life is not easy for everyone. people think everyone is like them, and that everyone knows what they want in life. that all you have to do is get a job, and that’s it, because you’re now in a country with a thousand opportunities. but life isn’t for everyone. people forget this. or they just don’t want to believe it. or they think others are just too dramatic. that they’re childish. that they don’t want to do anything by themselves.
people are wrong sometimes.

once again, my brain is a blur so i just typed whatever came to mind. sorry if it doesn’t make much sense. between last night and today, too many things have been going on around the world. and even in my own little world, seeing as i can’t really remember what happened last night, apart from me suddenly realising i was about to relapse. disappointing, to say the least. anyways, now i’m just rambling. have a good night, hugs from a very boring person.x