I might just end it.
this year has really took a toll on me for some reason. I was once a happy kid that never cared about anything but now I’m talking less, hardly left the house, dismissing friendships, I can hardly look at myself in the mirror without seeing an embodiment of disappointment, not being good enough, an outcast. I’m just not myself anymore… what happened to me?
I’ve stumbled upon this website looking for suicide methods and ended up reading amazing post about the “easy way out” the stories of hope, loss, and survival. I’m glad I found this site.
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if you need to talk im here for you, i hope that you fins a story on here about not giving up and staying strong through all of this. we all have our remissions and our survival stories as well as our downfalls and our failures. hopefully you might find someone on here who has gone through something similar or just knows how to be a friend so you arent alone through all of this. im here if you need it but you shouldnt give up yet.
Thank you for that. You don’t know how much your thoughtfulness means to me.
Welcome and let these stories make u stronger.
I haven’t been here long but I’ve found this to be a very useful and theraputic site to be part of. It shows you that you’re not alone and that there are others who understand what you’re facing.
If you can hang on til graduation, the world changes after that. Most kids I know who were outcasts in high school (including me) feel relief after being free from the brutal judgmental high school culture. Believe it or not it’s much easier to make lasting friends out there in the world as you gravitate toward people with similar interests. If you like books, hang out at a library. If you’re a musician, go to shows and talk to other musicians. If you love animals, volunteer at a shelter and meet some great people. Whatever you do, please don’t let your bad experiences push you away from everyone because you still have some exploring ahead of you 🙂
Btw, sure I’m on a suicide site so my life isn’t peachy. But being outcast is one hurdle I’m happy to say I got over. You should meet some of my friends, some of the weirdest crackpots you’ve ever met, but we keep each other going. As you get older you realize everyone is a crackpot, just some people hide it better than others.
School for me is my form of distraction. I keep myself busy in a way and whenever I picture post-graduation life, it terrifies me. I get worse every summer, when I have time for myself. There’s only so much “distraction” you can do till you become exhausted keeping yourself busy. Although, I I still hope that one day graduation day would come and things start changing one way or another.
There is no such thing as a “easy way out” my friend. Even the most quick or “painless” methods still involve suffering of extreme level because death is extreme. But with that in mind… would dying of natural cause or aging be easy? Of course not. So death is just a part of life we have to accept. Knowing that almost makes it easier to accept what happens as far as pain in the act of suicide. But I am still trying hard to get past going through with it. But check this out (words of advice)… life has its ups and downs. For the most part more ups than downs. All I can say is if you have your health and a part of you loves what you are.. don’t do it. Why waste your future moments of happiness, joy, and teachings. I’m not going to come are you to people like some guys do and be like “oh someone has so much harder and chooses to live” cause thats jist bullshit. What’s going on with you is special to yourself and only you can fully understand. What I am saying is don’t make the mistake of wasting your life when you are simply at a hard spot or boring spot in your lifetime. If you can’t find happiness just keep trying things. Keep looking for reasons to stay, you will find them. Life as a human is a gift. Sometimes the gift isint so great whether its from mental illness or health. But everything is steady within you.. and your just having a hard time mentally. I believe you can get past this.. just think about what’s really going to happen when you kill yourself.. its not easy. I wouldn’t imagine anyone accepting death of them to be easy.. this shit is serious. This shit sucks.. I wish u the best
I’m sorry if my term of use made you upset. I didn’t mean that at all… that’s why I used quotation marks. You’re right there is no easy way out when it comes to death.
Thank you for wishing me the best, I wish you the same thing.
1. What caused you to change from being “a happy kid” to the depressed you?
2. matchaffee <– AWESOME. Is this supposed to be a play on McAfee? Or a combo of matcha + coffee? Or just something random you came up with?
That’s the thing about my case. My memory is terrible. I can hardly remember half my life. (I’m not being dramatic. I really can’t) I can’t remember when I “became depressed” I just started thinking things a “normal” person thinks about. And I can’t go to therapy. We don’t have the money for it. My family doesn’t even know this about me, because they will be disappointed about me.
Yes matchaffee is matcha + coffee. When I made my acc I was drinking coffee but was craving matcha tea.
Honestly, a nice cup of matcha or coffee is way more helpful than any “therapy” I’ve ever had.