25 Days Left

(I wrote this a few days ago, so now I’m down to 25 days)

“I have always heard that you should never make a decision based on a whim, and that if you are in doubt, sleep on it, before deciding.  Considering the magnitude of terminating my own life, I decided to sleep on it quite a bit- I’ll give it a whole month.

My reasoning for this decision is not actually all that important.  There has been a building pattern of unhappiness in my life, and one event was finally the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.  It was not the “reason” but merely the final catalyst that set it into motion.

Will I go through with it?  I don’t know.  I’m giving myself 30 days to find out.  However, the rule that will hold is that I intend to live for these 30 days, knowing that I can kill myself at the end of them, if I want, having spent an entire month deliberating over this permanent decision.”

I am writing a book in the form of a journal for my last 30 days.  If I decide to kill myself, perhaps it will never go to a publisher.  Perhaps it will be my last act to send it there.  If I change my mind, maybe it will give someone else hope.  Either way, the above is part of the introduction.

If you want, I’ll post more of it as it develops.  I write in it a bit each day.