I’ve come to realise that mental illness does not discriminate.
I see a lot of posts on here and stories from where I work about heavily disadvantaged people wanting to end their lives because things have gotten so bad.
On the other hand, there’s someone like me, and I’m sure that I’m not alone on this, who had an amazing upbringing, never abused, never starved, always had family, I have an education therefore I have a job that pays above average…yet I can’t help but live everyday wishing I died in my sleep the night before…
I would read stories about “high functioning” individuals like doctors, accountants, police officers and celebrities who commit suicide and think to myself “this is fucked”.
I have privileges unlike some, but I also have demons living within me.
Mental illness does not discriminate. If that’s not enough for a global crisis then I don’t know what is.
(Please don’t make commentary on how things will get better and I still have “hope”. These comments do not help and will not change my mind.)
5 comments
I want to say two things here:
1) I don’t think level of education or material wealth are great measures when it comes to well-being. Of course it helps to be educated, and it helps to be wealthy, all else being equal. But it’s not central to well-being, I would think. Anyway, things like wealth and level of education are relative. What is the point in being a millionaire, if you aspire to be a billionaire? What is the point of having a degree, if you surround yourself with Ph.D.s?
2) I think a lot of people underestimate the problems in their childhood. They think they had a “great” childhood because they didn’t starve and their parents stayed married and they lived in a nice leafy suburb or whatever. But just something as subtle as not really feeling noticed or understood at home I think can have a pretty profound effect on a person as an adult.
All I’ll say is I hope you change your mind. One thing I’ve learned from being suicidal myself, is that almost by definition, you can’t see a way out while you’re in it. It’s only when you then get some respite that hope suddenly makes an entrance. I mean, I can literally go from being suicidal to optimistic within the space of a few hours, or maybe even the space of a few thoughts or events.
number 2) I can relate. I grew up psychologically beating the shit out of myself for being depressed. I had a roof over my head and never lacked food so what was I whining about? My parents/grandparents had lived through the Great Depression(oh the irony)and World Wars so what was so hard about my life?
It was years later before I realized how fucked up my parents were. Incapable of intimacy and major players at projecting their insecurities on their kids. Lord knows what was done to their young minds. Its like bad karma passed down through generations.
It sounds nuts but I think some parents are actually jealous/resentful of their children’s youth. Ready to drag you down about any dream you have for yourself. ‘Concede your self to mediocrity kiddo. I don’t need you making me feel worse about not fulfilling my dreams with your success.’
I don’t know, maybe they don’t feel theres any meaning in their life but no amount of ‘it gets better’ and ‘have hope’ is gonna help me. Yes also problems aren’t always not having a roof over ones head and not having enough to eat, some problems that seem minor to one are significant to others…
Society has broken down. We have moved into the age of the individual. People are alienated from their next door neighbours. Depression doesn’t discriminate. Maybe one day the boffins will figure out how to fix it without drugs.
Sorry – I repeated “depression doesn’t discriminate”. Tired – no sleep last night.