So two months ago the man I loved and trusted the most in the world said he couldn’t commit to me and we broke up. It has been the hardest two months of my life. It has brought up all my childhood issues and I’ve gone from overwhelmed sobbing til I vomit to just feeling dead and empty inside.
I really don’t know that it would impact anyone if I disappeared. I think my mum would be sad but then she wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore so it would be better for her.
I’m still new at my job and don’t really know what I’m doing so they could easily replace me.
I’m not real good at the sports teams I have joined so again no big loss.
I am at the point where it seems like the only option. I’m dead inside. All I feel is sadness, pain and a hopelessness that the one thing I want in life, a family, will never happen.
I think I’m done. I’ve lived some great experiences and I just don’t see life getting any better, just carrying on like this is a waste.
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3 comments
I am sorry to hear of your struggles. I know how it feels to have someone you thought would stand by you decide that they can’t. It only proves that they are not worthy of you, and that they are weaker than you are. I too also understand the feeling like you would be relieving your mother of yourself, because you see yourself as a burden to them. If it counts for anything, there is someone who knows your pain, and I wish you strength and courage to push back the stormclouds. From one broken soul to another. *~
Agree with Kairi – they are weaker than you. I went through similar torment after I meet someone I thought was my soul-mate. He was weak and couldn’t even commit to beginning any type of relationship and taking it one day at a time but ‘wanted to be with me’. I’m sure I played a part in the whole mess as well. I didn’t think I would survive, wanted to drive off a cliff. The will to survive is very strong and whilst you can’t see any light now – it will come. Vent it all out until it starts to hurt less. If you need someone to vent to- emptysky protonmail com
I have been struggling so much with all of this. I literally cannot imagine ever wanting to be with anyone else in my life. I am getting to an age where if I dont settle down soon I will never be able to have kids and have a family and I guess this is driving my thought process as to what is the point. I am still thinking a lot that I want to disappear – I feel like I have nothing to give this world and people may be a little sad but it literally will make zero impact on anyone as I have no purpose in this world. Noone needs me. Noone would really feel like their world had ended if I disappeared. So it just seems more and more like the best thingt to do. I am tired of hurting and feeling like I dont fit in this world. I dont fit in this world, i have no purpose and nothing keeping me going each day. It is such a selfish view but I really honestly believe after a month or so noone will even remember I existed.