How can the heartless experience heartbreak?

  August 6th, 2017 by deadd

I have wanted out of this relationship for over a year, and it’s finally happened, so why am I so upset? I thought it’d pass after yesterday, when he officially stopped talking to me via not answering my text. Rightfully, too. I wasn’t a great girlfriend; we weren’t soul mates, and too much about him bothered me. But he was so in love with me, always there for me, and knew me better than anybody. He’d do anything for me. I can’t help but wonder if I made a mistake, that no one truly wants to handle someone as unstable and unpredictable as I am. We’ve made many many attempts to be only friends, because I still want him in my life; he was my best friend before dating. But it clearly doesn’t work like that. I just don’t understand how I can be so consistently unhappy with this relationship and then get so distraught now that it’s truly over. He should have left me a long time ago, I wasn’t always very nice to him. I wish I’d stop checking his social media, because I know he targets me.

“and karma said: you will fall in love with someone who doesn’t love you, for not loving someone who did”

“I almost wish we never met”

“wondering if they love you for you or if they love you for what you do for them… stop doing it & see if they stick around”

“exploitation can not be love”

“don’t hit me up when you finally realize that no one else cares about you like I do”

“I wish that I spent the last three years doing something other than wishing to be yours”

“one of the most toxic things I’ve ever done is ignore the bad in someone because I love them”

Those are just some of the reposts, then he posts the ambiguous shit that has me thinking he’s already talking to other people. And he knows what he’s doing. It’s fucked up because I’m the one who cheated on him 1.5 times (and he still got back together with me). Maybe it’s because to me, sex means nothing, but to him, he’s only slept with two people, each being long term girlfriends; he doesn’t have meaningless sex. I swear to fucking god my chest has been caving in more and more and more and my lungs are going to collapse and I will be no more.

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