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I really hate my body. I’m not fat, I’m not too ugly, I’m  just covered with scars and a I hate it when I sweat. I actually hate my skin. I’m only 19 and I should be beautiful at this age. I can resist my stretch marks because almost everyone has them so they are natural but I can’t stand my scars. My body is full of those red things. They first appeared the first time I shaved my body hair and now they are everywhere on my hands and legs. I used to have tones of acnes on my face and now they’re gone but instead I have this stupid brown-red scars. It’s all my fault. I used to squeeze them because it felt really good. I still do it because it feels good, No matter how I know that I’ll hate my skin after doing it and how I know that it will get better if I don’t do it. I hate my body and it’s my fault and I can’t help it. What am I going to do?

I can stop squeezing them, I can go to the gym for couple of months and I will have the perfect body that I used to have. I can study a little bit. All I need to do to be able to love myself is to put some tiny little effort on my life and become active a little bit. I have all the facility, I KNOW I CAN live better and be really satisfied with myself.

I just don’t do it.

And I don’t know why.

I sit somewhere and I don’t do anything. I am mad at me to be such a lazy person. I hate making zero progress because of doing nothing.

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6 comments

NoBuddy 8/13/2017 - 1:35 pm

Baby you are a firework.. come on let your colours burst..

an_old_child 8/14/2017 - 5:04 am

🙂 that helped

lostidentity 8/13/2017 - 1:49 pm

I feel the same way. Its ironic how I search for ways on how to better myself physically, when I don’t even try to find the motivation to actually accomplish them. I even write essays and poems on how to love yourself and the body you’re in, but it’s actually hard to convince other people when you struggle to do so yourself. There are nights when I want to just rip my skin off and be another person entirely – nights when I curse myself and hate myself. I also don’t know what to do about it or how to stop. But in the end, all we ever have is ourselves. We’ll get through this.

an_old_child 8/14/2017 - 5:06 am

yes all we have is ourselves. and I’m not even sure if that’s a good thing or bad.

suicidaldreamer 8/13/2017 - 8:24 pm

i have a skin problem as well. i occasionally pick at my fingers, mainly thumbs. i used to be insanely bad about it, but somehow, i don’t pick like before. unfortunately, it’s left scarring, which i’ve been painfully insecure about. so insecure to the point of trying to conceal it with makeup and even permanent body art, which hasn’t helped at all. it’s led me to believe that trying to conceal your insecurities is actually counter-productive. i understand that some people have the same problem, except, it’s on their face. i haven’t met too many skin pickers in my life, but it is unusual, and to be insecure about such is even more unusual. pretty sure this was hereditary. i read this book titled “Skin Picking: The Freedom to Finally Stop” by Annette Pasternak and Tammy Fletcher. it was a good read and it actually helped!

and i know what you mean about improving ones life! i feel that too! like… having the will do it, but it’s like, you just can’t seem to get yourself going. it’s like something’s holding you back. i think it’s ultimately fear that we allow to grip us, and i think the more we coward into it, the tighter the hold.

i think it stems down to positive energy though. i think it’s like a domino effect/connect-the-dots kind of thing. you have to start with something. anything. even if it’s something as simple as starting each day off with a glass of water. i think you have to ween out negative influences in your life, this includes people, of course, and really try to focus on the positive, but i understand that’s hard to do in such a messy world like this.

an_old_child 8/14/2017 - 5:08 am

maybe it’s about positive energy after all. and now I’m feeling better. well at least i don’t wanna kill myself anymore and that’s not zero progress 😀

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