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I want to end my life, But i want to end it in a way that doesnt hurt the people around me. I’ve come to learn that this life really aint for me, i tried for so many years to stay strong and fight the pain Im feeling, But its absolutely impossible and Nobody really understands the mental illness Im going through. I dont really like to talk about my depression to a lot of people, Cause they think that Im calling for attention or that its no big of a deal. But i really wish They knew What Im going through

My biggest problem is that i have a lovely boyfriend that tells me he loves me and cares for me and i know that If i Kill myself it will affect him. And i love him too much to hurt him in any way possible. So Basically i wanna end my life without hurting him.

I just really wanna end it as fast as possible. I’ve attempted 4 times in my whole life and failed all the times i’ve tried and What hurts the most isnt the fact that i’ve attempted, But the fact that i failed hurts the most. Please help me. I cant handle this much pain in life. What can i do?

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kn 8/18/2017 - 5:31 am

Hi. I have some idea of how you feel. Attempting suicide is scary to me for the impact it may have on me if it fails, and the impact it may have on others if it works.
In terms of what you can do, it may be worth seeing a doctor (even if you have before), and looking to medication for health. Medication has only worked in part for me, I haven’t found a long term drug that works, but I take valium when I have bad moments, and have that feeling of needing to end things quickly. This helps, maybe there could be something that could help you in these times.
But I don’t really know your situation, so all I can advise you to do is wait just a little longer. Try to convince yourself not to end your life for one more week, or if that is too much to commit to than one more day, or even a few more hours. Just commit to taking another step. Sometimes this is the most that we can do.
I hope that these suicidal feelings soon ease and become less intense, and that the worst times in your life are behind you.

SoVeryTired 8/18/2017 - 10:06 am

I am in the same boat. I have had two abusive husbands, and now I have this lovely man in my life, who is the most supportive and understanding man anybody could ever wish for, and I love him deeply, and he does not deserve this.

But I am broken beyond repair – mostly of course because of those two abusive husbands, and in the last few weeks the realisation has been growing – again – that there is no other way, even though I wish there was, and I will end my life soon, within the next few weeks I think. I’ve had just about every treatment under the sun, well, except for some really really radical options like getting electrodes implanted into my brain, and they all helped for some time, but invariably I relapse.

I have two sons who I brought up as a single mum – while they were still dependent on me suicide was just not an option, no matter how much I wanted it, but they are grown up now. It will still devastate them, but they no longer depend on me for their every need.

I am thinking of letting my partner in. I trust him enough that I think it’s at least possible that he will accept that I need to die. And let it happen without intervening. Or maybe that’s just wishful thinking. Yes it is wishful thinking. It’s this phantasy of mine, letting him know that I will end my life, and he is sad but understanding and I give him the choice of knowing in advance or not….

It’s a phantasy – I wish it would work like this. In reality there is always the risk of them intervening, leading to a hospital admission etc…..

Probably not a really helpful comment – more about me than about you. The advice of holding on for a few days is a good one though. I always go by the three day rule: When I feel like I want to kill myself, never act immediately on it, but wait whether I still feel the same all the way through, for three consecutive days in a row. Until now – while often I still felt suicidal after those three days, it was not to the same degree, obviously, because I am still around. Or by then I had admitted myself to hospital (7 times by now), when I knew I wouldn’t be safe, for the sake of my sons.

Trying medication / seeking professional help if you haven’t already done so is also really good advice. I think it’s our obligation to try all possible remedies before giving in, because suicide is inevitably devastating for those left behind.

But having said all of that, there is a point when the pain we are in balances out the pain our death would cause, and if we really really really have tried everything in our power to get better and we can’t, I think we also have a right to be relieved of the constant pain of living.

It’s a bit like a cancer patient, after the cancer has come back for the fourth time, saying “no” to any more chemo – most people would understand and accept that. But they wouldn’t accept it if you didn’t try chemo even once or twice.

Sorry for rambling, not sure if any of this was helpful?

itsme 8/18/2017 - 1:52 pm

To echo what others have said, perhaps look into therapy/drugs first, exhaust all avenues until you know you’re sure this is what you want to do.

Perhaps tell your bf how you feel but he will probably try to talk you out of it or he could notify the authorities about what you plan to do and have you institutionalized (worse case scenario).

Ultimately I believe that suicide is a very personal decision-so you must decide what is right for you. I’ve been suicidal on and off throughout my life. I’m glad I didn’t end my life sooner because some people who count on me would’ve ended up in a very bad situations if I was not there.

However there may come a day when I am truly sick of living and will decide to end my life. At that point other people won’t come into play and it’ll happen when I feel they won’t need my help/they’ll be ok on their own.

The only major thing is that there is no reliable/safe method-they all carry a certain risk. So I’d rather take the euthanasia route if I can (it’s available in Canada if you have a terminal illness). If I was really desperate to die, I’d probably consider drowning or some other means of suffocation.

goodbyenora 8/22/2017 - 9:37 am

I feel the same. I want people to accept that I want to die and be happy for me but I know that is wishful thinking. But it is a personal choice. I can’t just keep living to keep others happy to have me in their lives. I have also considered just running away. Maybe that’s a helpful thought to consider.

justbecause 9/3/2017 - 9:56 pm

I can understand wanting to end your life. I’m not going to tell you that you shouldn’t or should do it. I can understand your pain. I’ve come to the point that I don’t care about the other people & what pain they may suffer. After all they will forget me shortly after I’m gone. I can relate your fear of attempting suicide being scary if it happens to fail. Being alive or dead I have no problem with, but I don’t want to be anything in between. I don’t want to be a vegetable or a burden on anyone.

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