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void

by lonelygirl645

something inside me is gone. there’s this void and I can’t understand why. I’ve wanted to die. I’ve cut myself. I’ve done everything but actually kill myself…most days thats all I think about. I wish I could relive my life. I wish I lived a different life. I feel absolutely hopeless. Nothing makes me happy anymore. Most things make me stressed. I feel so alone, yet I have the bestest friends I’ve ever had right now.

“Lonely again, how’d I get so lonely again?”~gnash

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likeastone 9/24/2017 - 12:14 am

I can’t imagine you are even out of your teens yet. So know this – your wish to re-live your life is very possible. Real life doesn’t really kick in until after college, and college itself is a completely blank slate. You get to start over and do things the way you wanted to then. I recommend going, and going away, so so strongly. But if you don’t go away, still go and give it everything you can.

My life before college feels like it’s just stories I was told and that I turned into memories. You know that “was that a dream or did it really happen” kind of detachment. Just because I eventually landed right back here doesn’t mean I didn’t have a good run for a while. And my faults are my own. You can set yourself free and start over in a very natural way, just like you wish.

John Doe 9/24/2017 - 12:38 am

I’m in the same boat as you

Mordred 9/24/2017 - 11:44 am

I feel the same way, and I remember I’d feel that way in highschool too (I’m assuming you’re in highschool from your posts). But I feel like no one should give up before hitting 22, at least. There are 2 more natural, major changes: 1. going to college and living alone, and 2. getting a job and being free of your parents entirely.

It may not sound like it helps, or has anything to do with the hollow feeling of loneliness. And…I guess it doesn’t help much (I’m still on SP, after all). But it’s strange how deep the bonds you form in college can get. Grit your teeth and push through a few more years, and maybe it’ll pay off.

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