Ever since I could remember I’ve noticed that I was different from most people , it only got worse as I got older. Now I’m on several different medications for several different reasons. I hate that I rely on a bunch of drugs everyday just to fit into society and make it through the day. I’m now on seven different medications, 8 pills a day. I suffer from; Anxiety, depression , ADHD, borderline personality disorder and insomnia. I feel like no matter what happens in my life I’m destined to feel miserable , imagine living everyday with invisible illnesses that torture you constantly. Even on all these meds sometimes I just want to stay in bed all day and never move , never eat , never breathe , never anything. I want to just go to bed and not have to wake up. I don’t know who to talk to , I feel my friends and family try to help but nothing helps I feel so selfish sometimes to , I’m sure many people have had harder lives. I just can’t help but feel this way. Why am I inflicted with so many mental issues ? Will it all just get worse , will my medication help forever ? How can I be such a young adult and I’m already on more medication then a sick dying patient… who do I talk to what do I do … it’s only a matter of time before I lose my mind ! If anyone could reach out to me , or relate please let me know , once again maybe this is selfish but I’d really like to know I’m not alone , I definitely do not wish these issues on anyone!!!
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I may well be totally wrong thinkthat what I’m saying here is relevant to you, but…
Do you feel constantly detached and disocnnected and like you’re always misunderstood by people and can rarely make a connection despite your best efforts? We’ve genuinely always known that something is fundamentally different about almost every part of us, and that other people sense it immediately, but we cannot pinpoint it, and if we try and put it into words what we say is usually minimalised or dismissed.
I have a similar(ish) collection of problems and disovered after a lot reading that I probably had aspergers, or an autism apectrum disorder as they call it now. It affects people of normal-to high intelligence and causes chronic social difficulties, alongside unique ways of perceviing the world, sometimes some motor difficulties, clumsiness, trouble with instructions and focus, etc.
There’s a lot of overlap betwen people with aspergers and people with ADHD, resulting conditions like depression. People with undiagnosed autism are often misdiagnosed with borderline personality disorder or bipolar. If you’re female it’s even more likely you’ll go throughout your life undiagnosed for various reasons. We often just have a really hard time of it throughout life and are just marginalised and then diagnosed with a load of secondary mental health conditions that are either mistaken for, or often experienced alongside (or as a result of) an ASD.
There are a lot of stereotypes about it still and so many people don’t really get how it can present and how much it affects people. Poeple with aspergers look neurotypical – we look normal. We might just be viewed as eccentric, or extremely shy, or weird, but people can’t begin to understand what’s actually going on under the surface.
But even if you get diagnosed as an adult(which is hard) the help is thin on the ground. I really feel for you and recommend that, if you can, you really try to find people like you, and have a look at some blogs written by a variety of people with ASDs.
https://musingsofanaspie.com/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_tn0GFlwwI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeGaffIJvHM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5wKb5TUX49U&t=410s
Anyway, best wishes.
That’s a lot of interesting information , thank you so much. I will definately check those out!
I do feel all of what you said above .
You were never alone somewhere around this world someone is dying at the same pace you are, we will never die alone.
That’s deep.
“imagine living everyday with invisible illnesses that torture you constantly.”
-uhm, EVERYONE on this site is dealing with that.
I just wanted to express myself. Never really do to anyone in person.
Everyone’s drowning here, so sometimes I guess it’s human nature for us to unfairly snap at each other and inwardly or outwardly weigh up who has it worse from a distance. Or pick apart wording of posts, when the issue is that we’re just starved of support and happiness ourselves. It’s understandable on one level, but please don’t take it to heart. People do feel your pain. Stay safe if you can.
What’s the point ? Why do we feel all this pain . For what? Does it ever go away
The meds are your problem