Good day you all,
This post will include; panic attack, co op failure, overcoming love.
Added bold words to make reading easier and able to jump
edit: Also added conclusions down the page.
start Today I had a great day, studied, and got few compliments, perhaps even started few new social relationship here or there.
It is really nice to start a new page at a university.
But…
change in events I went back home, a friend contacted me, he asked if I wanna go out with him like we did two days ago. Back then [8.10.17] he said “I want you to know that I completely respect you, and I haven’t done anything with your ex” although she fucking slept at his house after a night out, back when I was studying.
panic attack It took me 3 minutes to remember that sentence and the whole freaking feelings attacked. “Lust, jealousy, envy, fear (terrorized), sadness”.
It was a panic attack by the book. I fully understand it, so I let myself coping mechanism 1 sit, drink and eat, thing about good things. BUT THE OVERTHINKING DIDN’T wait for me to feel good. It just kept coming back in inner voices “she kissed him”, “maybe they had 1st fail sex”, “maybe she lured him”, “or he just fucked the shit out of her”.
As if, WHY DO I FUCKING CARE SO MUCH?
I’m actually hitting high summits at my personal achievements.
I’m studying at a great university, got into a top of the world engineering project, accepted in Sunday to do volunteering scholarship.
I’m having good grades, and going to do Schedule B tests to get even better.
But it crushed me.
Co op 2# I know I shouldn’t even fight the thoughts, I just stood there, let my mind run like a gamer’s pc processor, and at the same time, I stated for myself how far I got.
fail 2 It didn’t work
Co op 3# In the end I conviced myself it couldn’t happen.
It worked. and not because I could state the obvious, but because his mom would never let him do something stupid to me.
almost failure: maybe he didn’t tell her?, maybe he is lying to all of you….
Complete over coming: Right after the first decline of the thoughts and stress, which is probably due to late hours and being stomach full (with good healthy food), I earned the energy to say “fuck this, I don’t mind, either way I’m going to find someone better”.
Sum up:
1. Panic attack co op: make sure you are fed, drink water, and breath steadily, easily shift your concentration onto your breathing, thus easing OCD’s thoughts.
2. Coupleship [aka Romantic friendship] – Things weren’t that great, remember the bad stuff. Learn to be with yourself. Accept the situation. Remember that it is temporary.
3. Friendship – When trust is gone, it is over, Or is it? [I can’t decide, please comment what you think]. A good user [M or F -dk] commented on my last post that I should write down what a friend means, and by that, to single out the friendships that deserve the name friend.
4.General help – sports, sleep, eating right, writing/talking/singing about bad things. – advised to anyone who has to cope with tough days/month/years/decades/ions.
Please comment what you think, and how you are.
anyway: STAY STRONG, be brave,
Yours, Jac 😉
2 comments
I wasn’t prepared. I fully understand. Still something I struggle with years later. Decisions are things that I don’t typically make lightly or flippantly. I tend to overproccess anything myself as well. Emotionally and mentally as well. You can see it in the way I do things in life. Perhaps it’s why people have always told me I should be an engineer of sorts lol. I dunno. But congrats on achieving what you through the university and the engineering project. My experaince, over thinking it or over processing it only makes it worse for me. Ultimately I fail at dealing with things and I’d say that’s why thinking and processing doesn’t help. If it helps you though, and I’m not trying to be a dick, but try to remember that she is your ex. Where she goes from there whether it be a friend of yours or not is her choice to make and their choice to make and it ultimately isn’t wrong for them to choose so. I know the pain the feelings it brings but that’s the truth and reality of it. What I don’t want to accept I guess even though I know it. Anyways. Hope things get a little better for you in reguards to all this and good luck on your achievements.
You are right. I guess it’s the feeling that both of them have dumped me. Her as if not being honest, and him as if not inviting me to things and treating me like plan B.
maybe.. just maybe….. I’m sad because I’ve got nothing else.. If they did had something, I would not be mad now, because you are right, and it would even give me a good reason why to tell him to fuck off from my life. And her.. she can do whatever she wants, I really really should get over it. I mean, it wasn’t that perfect. ??