Ok … there are plenty of things worse, but for the moment this one seems pretty damn devastating. So, I spend several years in an otherwise satisfactory and stable relationship only to have all loyalty and trust pulled out for under you.
I’m generally venting here because I can’t really do so on other media platforms without making the current situation potentially much worse. There may be a few of y’all that remember me from some time ago – to those folks – “Hi”. I’ve generally been OK over the last while.
Anyway, on to my rant.
So, where I live is owned by my GF, and on the property also operates a business … the business owner (renter) is a lunatic that causes headaches for my GF and I at every opportunity and browbeats her (the landlord) into “deals” that are grossly unfair and problematic for my GF (***EDIT to add – business owner is former boy friend and business partner of my GF) … all this much to my strenuous objections and against my counsel … additionally, this guy is the self professed overlord and master/president/director/CEO etc – in other words, he is THE one and ONLY guy that makes ALL decisions – EVERYTHING must go through hi. The set up to today’s “event” is, I had an appliance sitting outside the door of the house, it had been sitting there with a couple other appliances that we were giving to people who needed them or would used them for scrap. It was well known that these items did NOT belong to the business. For several months these items that belonged to me remained unmolested and in place.
Yesterday a friend (**Edit – friend of mine) needed one of these appliances and I offered him the one that remained for free – come pick it up. So as he was headed over to collect it, I went out with a dolly to move it out front so they could easily load it. So, Imagine my stunned surprise to step around the side of the house and find it missing – gone. as I am trying to process this stunning development, I get the text that my friend is approaching the driveway – mind you, they drove about 20 miles to get here. I’m freaking at this point.
I run into a couple of the employees (not the Lord God Admiral of the business) and ask where, how why MY item is missing – they have worked there full time for quite some time so they “should” have some idea … instead … despite my obvious distress, they simply uncaringly shrug and say it “might” be with other junk appliances in the back of the property … so I race to the back to look at the “junk pile” … it’s NOT there!
I come back out front and exasperatedly get in a shouting match with the employees – I mean, I’m livid so I’m yelling
Which … Was … WRONG on my part – I freely admit my failing in this part of the story and I actually realized it at the moment I was yelling at the employees and began apologizing to them right then and there – of course they were too upset to much want to listen to my apology – but I DID recognize (too late) that I was behaving irrationally and projecting my anger on people who did NOT deserve it … about this time my GF comes out and says to check the outbuilding (occupied by the business) … and it turns out – it’s THERE … IN USE!!!! They essentially STOLE my property that they KNEW was mine because they had to move other items OF MINE off the top of the appliance to TAKE MY appliance!
My Friends had arrived at this point and I’m explaining to them that I have to go get it and give them an overview of the situation to this point …
… then along comes the Great Commander himself! … now remember – in HIS own words – NOTHING that ANYONE in his organisation does can be done WITHOUT his express direction and commandment. So I can ONLY surmise that HE … knowingly … DIRECTED someone (or did it himself) to “relocate” MY property. He gets angry at my allegation (**Edit to add – I literally accused him of theft) and approaches me with purpose – words are exchanged as we stand toe to toe and with noses touching – and he literally yells in my face to “get out of my face!” (remember – he PUT his face IN my face) … then, he headbutts me to “drive home” his “point” … welp … at this point …
GAME ON!
I open hand PIMP slap him and he swing and misses and I right jab hard to the cheek … for here it became a bit f a blur but we’re on the ground, he has me in a head lock but I have my right free to repeatedly punch his face until folk break us up. … I have to concede that it ended in a “draw” (but I may have “won” on points”) – the only obvious “injury” I have, is my fist/knuckle is now swelling …I note discoloration to his face and cheek .. I only add these details for entertainment. But they are not embellishments and as objectively accurate as I remember.
At this point everyone goes about their general business and I disconnect and load up the appliance on my friend’s truck – he is grateful and we awkwardly chuckle about the added “entertainment”. They go on their way.
Here’s were shit REALLY goes off the rails. To me – my property was stolen, and the Business Commander/Tyrant committed assault and battery on ME. … at this point my GF actually DEFENDS the Master of the Universe! and says I overreacted!!
So, why is this post titled “Nothing Worse”? Because to me, after YEARS together, I find that my GF’s loyalty is shattered and is NOT with me – how does a relationship survive a disloyal act of such magnitude?
It’s getting late and I need to crash – my hand hurts from typing and my back and chest are throbbing from unusual physical activity this afternoon so I must lay down.
Please comment your thoughts as to if I’m being unusually irrational to think I should expect loyalty and defense – keep in mind, there is more to the story that I’m too tire to type out at this point but I will return to finish it soon if folks are interested … to my old friends from my SP past – stop by and say Hi – I hope this finds you all wall 🙂
Senior MMA dawg
11 comments
Hi Dawg.
I think your GF was not being disloyal. Maybe she genuinely thought you overreacted and was just being objective about it. Since the appliance was lying unused, that tenant may have thought to put it for some use. Obviously he should’ve asked for your permission but he didn’t. The whole altercation and physical fightmight have seemed unnecessary and a little over to your GF so that’s why she may have said those things.
Also, it’s women’s habit sometimes to blame their own side/love AFTER the situation is over. So she IS by your side that’s why she’s blaming you.
Thanks for your clear and level headed comment – I could have used some reasonable input that day 🙂
You make some great (and very correct) points – I’d ask you to read my long comment below to see if the new information adjusts any of your positions.
You are correct – I definitely overreacted. I actually realized that in real time – something one of the employees yelled back at me broke through my panic and made me realize at that very moment – that I was being a raving lunatic and as I stated in the original post – began apologizing.
It’s fair that I earned a certain level of chastising – my problem comes when that scolding transitions from assessing my bad behavior to defending a thief – there is long ongoing bad/negative history with the tenant/business owner (but mostly excellent relations with his employees). But it’s fair to say that the rental income certainly enters the equation in no small way. Without a doubt – this situation if VERY complex … interestingly the actual fight is the least of the issues – my GF was (later) actually semi-giddy that I whooped up on douchboy.
Thanks again – I’m sincerely interested in your further assessment with my revelation of more details and back story considered … apologies for not posting those from the outset but it was late and I wanted to get the day’s events transcribed while they were still fresh in my mind.
grateful dawg
I would say that you are getting more concerned about it than it is worth. It was just an incident and you shouldn’t question your GF’s loyalty just because she defended someone else one time.
The theft and fighting incident holds more importance in your mind because you were the active participant in it (obviously it’s not everyday that we fight physically), but same importance might not be held by your GF and she may be taking things more casually.
As a woman I think you over reacted. You didn’t need to resort to yelling at the staff and fighting with that dickhead. You could have just marched in and taken your stuff back wherever they had put it…. if I was you gf I’d be kind of mad at you as well and would probably just back the other guy so there is no more trouble. They are renting the space of her? Maybe she really needs them there to pay her money.
Sorry if this is not the answer you were looking for but it’s my 2c worth anyway.
SS – thanks – no, your response is exactly what I’m looking for although it oversimplifies some points.
You’re correct – I overreacted – which is an understatement of epic proportions … and yelling at staff was simply indefensible and wrong. You raise a VERY excellent point regarding the rental income/money.
Where we part ways, is the part where “backing the other guy” is, in any way, a good idea (at least, I don’t understand how it is when trying to maintain an honest, loyal, loving relationship – maybe further insight would help)… but in fairness, please read my comment below to see if those details and back story help you understand this situation a little differently.
Thanks again
2c more dawg 😉
Hi Dawg…good to see ya still around. I think quaero nailed it. I am really hoping after some sleep you can see it with a clearer perspective.
And HUGS cause I think you need some!
Thanks tWoMS … yeah, quarero has some great objective insight – I appreciate those comments … and the hugs … but a few days later, I think I realize that I have a broken rib 🙁 so hug me gently 😀
and yes – “sleeping on it” helped immensely, thanks
fist bump dawg
Thanks for the responses – these are precisely the objective perspectives I’m looking for. I will come back later when I have more private time to give detailed responses to your input to see if the details change the equation in any way.
thankful dawg
No doubt things went bad. Unfortunately we sacrifice those we are closest to, so the GF by human nature followed the path of least resistance. But what seemed like her turning on you in reality shows her trust in you in a weird sort of way if you can believe that. I can sense your feelings of betrayal and yeah, you may have overreacted but that was natural too. Hard as it sounds, letting it all dissipate might be the best path, and talk about it when the storm has passed. Breathe deep…
– peace
“Things went bad” … an much of an understatement as “Houston, we have a problem” 😀
I got gripped in a runaway panic, in retrospect … definitely NOT good and certainly NOT right
I think you’re on to something with “path of least resistance”
I really appreciate your comments/input since we’re generally of the same demographic … one lesson learned – I think I’m too old for physical fighting 😛 “breathing deep” seems to be an issue since I think I broke a rib in the melee.
antique dawg
Sorry for the delay getting back to this post – I again, appreciate and thank you guys for your input and perspectives.
Let me run down a few points and add some clarifications and back story which were omitted in my haste to get the days events posted.
1. One item that I overlooked because, to me, it’s just been a given … is that the “Commander of the Business” is the Ex-boyfriend and business partner of my GF – their relationship ended roughly 5-6 years ago (about a year or two before her and I ever met) and she resigned from the business (the same one that operated on the property and that she co-founded) about 3 years ago. So the history and experience with the the asshole business owner has been long, ongoing and negative for years. My “problem” as a relatively objective outsider coming into this situation years ago and going forward to present day has been that everyone around this dickhead business owner have coddled and appeased and enabled his ill behavior and no one has stood up to him and said “No”.
2. The Business – on the whole, it does exceptionally good works for the community. I’m sure many of the SP Females will understand and recognize that this business owner is one of those guys that has that smooth and well liked (if not loved) public persona/facade that makes him look calm a pure … but behind closed doors and away from the public view, he is an overbearing, abusive ogre who demands EVERYTHING be done exactly his way and if anything is done slightly different than his demands, he explodes in rage.
Two things very important to note regarding this … not only was my GF subject to this asshole’s private rages for several years, but so was one of the Employees I yelled at (I reiterate – wrongly) who was also an ex girlfriend of the business owner as well. So in retrospect, it’s important to note that my aberrant (uncharacteristic) behavior looked very much like past behavior they were each all to familiar with as NORMAL behavior from douche nozzle business owner – this was a colossal error on my part and I should have know ( and actually recognized in real time) that this was exactly the wrong approach to getting information form these particular people … but …
3. I panicked … and then let that panic grip and consume me to make bad decision and treat people poorly. With out a doubt – mistakes were made – most, by me, but some, by others who added to my panic …
Mistake One – me not checking/verifying ahead of time that the appliance was where I left it and not having staged it for pick up the day prior – this would have avoided ALL of this since I would have had time to investigate it’s location with logic and reason. It wouldn’t have changed the fact that dude STOLE my appliance, but I’d have not been under pressure to find it immediately.
Mistake Two (A) and (B) – 2A – when asked, the Employees did not give me FULL information as to potential locations of ALL appliances … when I asked them (not angrily at this point, but urgently) they were generally dismissive and said the appliance likely got “mistakenly” appropriated for scrap by an unknowing underling … at the time, annoying but no big deal since I knew where the scrap pile was so I dragged the dolly out back to the pile … but the appliance wasn’t there – this was when panic truly set in. The employees omitted the fact that the appliance may have been appropriated for USE in the business building which Mistake 2(B) I did not check (and where it was located). Had I not committed Mistake 1, none of this would have been an issue and there would have been no time crunch.
You see – all of these events happened within the span about 15 minutes probably less – from the moment I got the text that my friend was close to arriving and the appliance actually being loaded on their truck.
At the end of the day, this parses out into several different events/issues:
1. A theft (knowingly or unknowingly)
2. Investigation of this theft
3. A physical fight
4. Fallout/reactions. (Which was my focus for this original post)
I wanted to first clarify and further explain the events leading up to the principle issue of the “Fallout” which I’ll address in my next comment after addressing everyone’s individual comments
dawg