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Keeping the mask on

by falling_soup

I wish I could keep my mask on. I think that he barely notices when I am hurting and is to busy inside his own head dealing with his own stuff. I do not know how much I can keep pretending that everything is alright, I mean, if I am not stable then he just can’t deal with my shit. of all the people I wish he was more understanding, I almost expected him to understand, and yet he doesn’t. I feel so enraged with sadness and anger. I want to look him in the eyes and say how can  you not see I am hurting? I feel so stupid. I am not being what he wants of me or something. I feel so useless and limp, attached and weak. I want to have the strength to get through this on my own but sometimes I wish I had his support the way I support him. I feel so empty and alone. I feel so tired and over this. I do not know what bull shit keeps stringing me along everyday or how I hold myself together, all though I feel like I am falling apart all of the time. I feel like the goals I achieve or the things I do just do not add up for him. I feel so lost and confused, I feel so stupid for feeling like I need his help. I should be tougher right?

 

As always,

soup

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