I think about killing myself all the time it’s just a thought, it starts to scary when tears don’t come with the thoughts also.
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I understand this. When the eyes don’t get moist, I realize that I’m pushing the outer edge of my ability to cope. MDD is among my diagnoses. It’s a terrible companion.
It looks like this is your first post here. Welcome to SP.
That sounds about right though. We get used to our suicidal ideation. For many of us it just becomes a habit. I once had a coworker who would say “I’ll just have to kill myself” any time he felt uncomfortable about anything. The only difference between him and me was that he said it and I thought it.
It gets even scarier when one of those suicidal thoughts creep up and suddenly you think “that’s actually a great idea”
Hang tough!
“Should I off myself today?” That’s the 1st waking thought I have.. Then I brew coffee, take my ‘morning’ meds, wake my boys and hope it subsides by time the kids need lunch.