I was raped as a sophomore in high school. I was having some sexual identity issues, it never felt right saying I was straight, nor did it feel right saying I was gay, and i didn’t have any sexual experience to really base it off of either. So I went to a party that my second cousin once removed or whatever had invited me to, her best friend and I had broken up on good terms so we actually remained in contact until that night. Bunch of people I didn’t know in a town 40 minutes away, seemed like the perfect place to experiment. Well, I was talking to this group of older kids at the party about how I was looking to hook up -when this one who was home from college said “You don’t look like you’re gay, let me show you just how good it can be.” I didn’t expect that, in fact when they said that it scared the shit out of me. I froze for a second, then told them I wasn’t really interested…that I was just making a joke, but they wouldn’t take no for an answer, and apparently neither would their group of friends for that matter. So the rest of the night they always made sure I had a drink in my hand, until I was so drunk I couldn’t see straight. I eventually blacked out, and came to only to see them on top of me. They looked down and saw that I was finally conscious and I just lay there, paralyzed with fear as they looked at me and said “I told you I’d show you how good it is.” They then leaned down and whispered in my ear ” Guess you aren’t really gay now are ya?” I just lay there waiting for them to finish with my eyes clamped shut, just praying that it would end soon. When they were finally done, I remained as still as possible until I was sure they were asleep. I grabbed my clothes and slowly made my way out of that house. I went to my car and just started to drive, I was halfway home before I realized I was just driving naked. It was then that I started to feel the tears rolling down my cheeks. I began to grasp what had really happened, and the feelings of guilt set in. It was my fault this happened, I brought this on myself, why couldn’t I have just kept my mouth shut. As a result of this I denied that I was bisexual until last year, almost 8 years later. The only person I have told about this is my wife, and now you. I am a bisexual man who was raped by a woman and as a result denied who he was. Now read this again, and replace them and they with she and her. Replace gay with ******, and enter my world. Where to this day she haunts my dreams and is the guiding hand of the blade on my wrist.
16 comments
16 comments
I learned only a year ago that a woman can rape a man. When it comes to sexual violence, according to a National Crime Victimization Survey, men are the victims 38% percent of the time.
I salute you for your courage to post this. I hope some men read this and as result reduce their own risk of rape from either sex.
The majority of that is due to men raping other men, and most of that comes from inmates in prison. So it’s not like women are raping men 38% of the time. Just because a man is a victim does not mean the assaulter is a woman. I’m not saying no woman has ever raped a man, but male rape statistically is due to other men. You can google prison rape (of men) and the numbers are shocking. That accounts for a majority of the male rape stats.
The numbers ARE shocking. It would appear men do most of the raping. My surprise was that men are the targets of male rapists about 38% of the time. So if I am following the numbers right, if 100 rape victims were in a room 38 of those would be men. Women raping men appears, thankfully, to be an anomaly, but that would be no comfort to the victims. As I read through “rape by gender” by Wikipedia the scope of the problem was huge and horrible. Rape is horrible and repugnant and every other godawful adjective I can think of. The writers mentioned the prison thing too. Sickening. It is all sickening.
Thank you for your comment to my comment because it got me to take a deeper look into a problem I knew too little about while wishing it did not exist at all, but it does. I hope every one here is a little (or a lot) safer after looking at this post and the comments.
With that said, no one should be raping anyone.
Strongly agree.
@Lorandian- have you talked to a therapist about this? I’m generally not a fan of therapists, but some people I know have found good ones who help them immensely deal with this kind of stuff like rape and gender/sexual identity.
GOD IM SO SORRY. You can NEVER shed that PAIN. It becomes a part of you and you hide from yourself. THAT SOUNDS SO DAMN TERRIBLE. It makes me shiver.
GOD IM SO SORRY. You can NEVER shed that PAIN. It becomes a part of you and you hide from yourself. THAT SOUNDS SO DAMN TERRIBLE. It makes me shiver. That is the only reason I would ever kill, that is the only reason I would beat someone senseless. Rapists deserve death. And to save you or save anyone who has lived through that I would kill their offender.
I’m sorry. That sounds very unpleasant. And it’s brave of you to share. It’s good to shed some light on these things, I think. And it’s definitely nothing to be ashamed of IMO. You did nothing wrong (obviously).
I haven’t had a similar experience, but I hooked up with an ex recently, and we had sex in the evening. Then the next morning, she wanted to do it again, but I really didn’t. So she ended up just basically riding me while I lay waiting for it to end. I wouldn’t really call it rape, and it’s not like I’m traumatized by it, but it did disgust me, it definitely made it hit home that sex can be not nice. But I shouldn’t talk, because when I was younger, a woman once came home with me after a night out, and I really wanted to do it, and she wasn’t really very much up for it, but kind of ended up saying “okaay, if you really want to”, and she actually fell asleep during. At the time I just (ignorantly) thought “Well, why would she go home with me if she didn’t want to do anything?”, but now I realise I was an insensitive asshole.
Thanks for posting this. Women raping men isn’t really discussed, and if it is, then it is just seen as a joke. Rape is wrong no matter the gender. Forced sex is unacceptable.
Agreed. Even though a woman raping a man might be less likely than say a lightning strike hitting a man, the prospect is terrible. My take away from this terrible subject is that men are rape victims too and in alarming numbers. I was clueless until this post. I stay well aware of my surroundings anyway and oh so sober etc in social settings and so on, so I doubt much will change in my life. Still, this is information I think well worth having.
That is heartbreaking. I think I have to stop reading stories here about sex abuse, it makes me sick, people are so disgusting.
BTW, I have a question about this, and please, please dont take me wrong, I think other people have the same question. Dont be offended ok? I dont wanna hurt you. When a man is rape, Does he have an erection? I mean, when a woman is raped she doesnt have to do anything and of course she doesnt enjoy it. And what happens to a man? Because if he is not enjoying he can has an erection, right? So, the rape fails. I am confuse. Can you clarify this for me?
From what I have read, and yes it is disgusting, the female rapist, after securing the mans “cooperation”, places what is know as a “cock ring” around his penis and it will go erect. He need only have a heartbeat and blood pressure to get this forced erection. She can now have vaginal intercourse with him.
I didnt undestant this part: “after securing the mans “cooperation”
Sorry, my english is not good. It is not easier to a man struggle against the girl since they are stronger? Or in these cases there are more than one woman commiting the crime?
What is a cock ring?
I don’t really know for sure, but I am guessing that someone put Viagra or some other pill in one of my drinks. I don’t really remember much before I woke up, so someone could have just given me one as well. As for the part about being stronger, you feel powerless. It is different for everyone, but waking up to that…I was just paralyzed with fear. It didn’t matter that I was bigger than her because she had total control in the situation and she knew it.
The fundamentals of rape are the same regardless of the gender(s) involved. A man or woman can gain power over a man or woman using fear (there are many ways) or taking advantage of unconsciousness. It seems men are more prone to this deplorable behavior but some women choose this lifestyle too. My sister knows this personally.
I had an experience that was woman upon a man. I am a man. I will tell you I froze. I was fearful. I will say little more due to my privacy needs and the fact that she got stopped before it got as far as it did with this poster. Before her, some years before, a man tried something similar. My stories don’t hold a candle to this posters experience. What I can say is, I have conducted my self very differently ever since each event. No more problems, at least to the point of physical contact, no fear really, just awareness and behaviors to match.