I’ve been told by a psychologist, that my “inner sensitive /feeling persona” is being held chained and at a close space inside my mind. He also stated that I’m good at dividing between having this horrible pains due sickness, and between fully functioning at my life and doing the best I can. He explained that my feeling persona gets to the conscious only when it has strength, and that happens when it is mad, or which when I’m mad.
He said that right after the pain stops, I totally repressive it from my consciousness, and I do it for other hard events in my life. And this defense mechanism allows me to succeed and live but it is also cause a lot of damage to me as further as I go and keep using it.
Personally I feel lonely. Im surrounded by “friends” who likes me, but I feel so solely on this battle with financial crisis and health problems. I don’t share with them my story and I keep everything to my self.
My mom needs someone to help her and I do the best for it but it is not really enough. Although she appreciate my help, I know it is not enough.
I only have left 3.2 more years until my graduation.
We both know that after that, I’ll be able to fix every financial problem we have, and will be able to help my mom with fixing the house, and giving her the opportunity to work less and feel less stressed.
My mind is falling apart by now. I have none to talk to. I have to talk, so I’m talking to myself most of the time. I get really lonely almost every day.
I’m fighting my chronic illness, I’m trying to be the best student, I’m trying to be the best son. but I’m just not good enough.
Please, let me know I’ll make it through thiese 3 years.
I know it is funny for you guys, but for me it matters a lot to know that some one out there around the world, actually believes I can make it.
I also wanna show my dad that he lost a great son when he left me with all the financial problems and didn’t help my mom to raise me.
anyway. stay strong be brave, your friend, Jac.