Don’t think I’ll make it

  January 9th, 2018 by eeyore

Theres this pain in my chest that reminds me that I probably never make it

I’ll never be able to “show my true colors” I’m not sure who I am. I don’t know what my favorite things r I never care and I don’t think anyone ever will either. Will I ever find out what my goals for life are and would I even be able to achieve them

I feel like I don’t want myself. It’s kinda like I have no faith or hope in myself

Ive been feeling really empty lately I can’t even cry I’m just empty I don’t sleep I don’t eat I don’t feel

im always overthinking everything and nothing that I ever do is enough. I pretty much think everything I do isn’t right. I feel like I’ll never be enough for anyone bc I’m not even enough for myself. I degrade myself without even knowing it.

For so long I’ve been trying to have a reason to stay. I stay bc of my family and friends and the fear of going to hell. But 90% I don’t care about anything I don’t wanna stay

i think it’s the people around me their negativity and they’re constantly bringing me down I can’t take it anymore

no one ever cares about me like they say they do. No one ever wants to listen to me, especially when I’m at my breaking point everyone just disappears

i feel like I’m lacking inspiration and individuality  but in my situation I’ll never be able to be independent

I will always be property and it sucks I want to be a someone I want to be able to go to college, be able to drive, get a job, have my own apartment, have a choice of who I am to marry you know I actually want to fall in love

but that’s not the life for me

my life is married before 23 to a man my parents pick who probably has other wives or kids from other women or possibly twice my age then I’m expected to be pregnant a month after marriage and that’s it I stay home cook and clean it doesn’t matter what I want to be

and the thing is speaking up will get u in a worse situation so tell me how am I supposed to get out of this situation I can’t move out I only get married

I don’t think I’ll ever be happy or have the feeling of fulfillment

I’ve seen so many of my fellow females get married never have I ever heard that they were happy or content

Btw I do live in the us

I’m living in so much pain

I don’t know what else to say other than I want to leave this earth

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