Fuck my life

I can’t live anymore, not without her. My life has been absolute shit from the beginning, my real mom did drugs and hated me, i was abused a small bit, then when i got my current parents i was harshly punished for the smallest offenses. My friends all left me around 8th grade and i thought things were looking up for me my junior year, because a girl actually liked me. We ended up together but after two months she left me because she had mental issues. She was and still is perfect to me. I have tried my hardest to show i care, to show i want to love her, but she said that she won’t ever be able to love again because of her ex. I need her love, i see her everywhere, i can’t stop thinking about her, it’s torment. I even dream of her almost every night now. This is too much, if i can’t have her then i want death, i am not being lonely again.