Excuse this rant. I need it. I am living with a condition that knows no limits. At the start of this year, 2018, I wrote my verdict: I wrote that I am a man, 28 years of age, living with chronic pain. It is now around 3 months till the post, and nothing has changed. I thought I might give it more time but to no avail… I once had a beautiful smile and it got lost after living in the dorms, playing sports, and living life. A bump on my face caused a permanent change to 1 tooth. It spread across my face into something that resembled trigeminal neuralgia. At around 2 years ago, my nights of peaceful sleep came to an end. I would wait and wait to get to sleep and nothing will happen; needle like shooting pains would radiate across my face to my brain. you see, part of the problem of dental health you really cannot control, but you realise how little there can be done for you when your health is on a thin line. It really just take one, only ONE event to snowball your dental health into something that will give you permanent hell; that you go from doctor to doctor, specialist to specialist to find the cure but no luck… I am seriously now at the cusp of no hope. I do not know what to say anymore. I will keep everyone here updated onto my last line but I am sure it will not change; I will need to get rid of this pain somehow. I live in poverty. I live with depression and anhedonia so I cannot work. This pain takes all my energy. You see, I was NEVER depressed. I never understood it when I was younger. I am not such a person. This pain made me into somebody I am not. You did not know me 4 years ago; I was outgoing, social, always the man with the jokes. Now, I am a bedridden hermit.
I cannot start a course in pain medication as my body already had it and gets used to it. I just feel I want to cry my eyes out. I really am in stress. I just wanted to belong, I wanted things to be the way it was when I was in my childhood – without stress, peaceful, pleasurable. Why does life get so nasty as adults? Why? I can rage against this existence. It stole everything from me. I am bitter. I really thought buying some time will get me somewhere but it did not. Just tell me, just bloody tell me why root canal treatments create more pain than before? Why if you get 1 of them, are all your teeth messed up and follow suit? I really just do not have the courage to pull all of my teeth and just get dentures. I really am fed up with life and what to do next.
3 comments
Wow your story breaks my heart. Praying for you now that you find true peace from your pain. It grieves my heart that some suffer so deeply. You are thought of. Everyday science makes amazing breakthroughs. Hoping your condition is one of them!!
Thank you, Ms Stewart. I am a Christian and hope God will heal me. However, I do believe if pain and suffering becomes unbearable, I will have to euthanise myself out of human fault. It may be a sin and I would be surely sorry I wasn’t strong enough to bear it further. Recently after following bouts of depression, I experienced vivid flashbacks from childhood. Flashbacks of times that were sacred to me. After my vivid memory, I got a dream following it last night. It is almost as if I feel my time is close. I dreamt how I went back to a high school teacher that was like an angel to me in my life. I told him how I think about the times in this school everyday and how I pointed out about 2 students who aren’t with us anymore. I pointed to the desks where they used to sit. My teacher replied that he feels the good times we all had once are over and that it would be better if we did not have such good times, because later you pay a price for it. My dream ended.
I don’t think that dream was from God. Dreams can be crazy. Not to tell you what to do, but if I were in that much pain, I would consider dentures. It sounds like you are very young and I could see how that would be so upsetting. But honestly it might not be such a big deal later.