I’m still here, for now. First let me apologize in advance if anyone is offended by this post. Bitter sarcasm is about all I’ve got left. So here are the things I hate most when telling people I want to commit suicide.
Drum roll please…
1. Telling me that suicide is a sin and that I will go to Hell.
Wow, awesome. You just made me feel so much better. Thank you, mighty infallable one! Passing judgment and acting morally superior really turned my life around! How about instead of criticizing me and telling me how awful I am just for entertaining the thought of suicide, you could offer some words of encouragement and support? Too difficult?
2. Telling me that suicide is selfish.
Yes, I should just stop wanting my pain and suffering to end, and cater to your every whim. If someone was twisting your arm and causing you pain, would it be selfish to want them to stop? Or are we supposed to say “Please sir may I have some more?” You know what’s really selfish? People who don’t care about the pain I’m going through, the ones who ignore my cries for help, but proceed to call me selfish because I didn’t think about them.
3. “You just need to learn to love yourself.”
Wait, what? Do you really think I enjoy all the pain and suffering I’ve been through all these years? I know I never deserved the torment and abuse I’ve gone through. Trust me, I do love myself. I love myself and want to protect myself from continued anguish.
4. Telling me to “Go to church” or to “Seek God.”
Seek God? Hold on a sec…. Well, I looked and all I could find was some loose change in the couch, my keys (not going to tell you where I found them), my device to help me find my lost keys, oh, but I found Waldo. Does that count? Sadly going to church was torture. Some of the most judgmental people I’ve met. (The churches I’ve been to at least.)
5. Giving me that horrified, disgusted look.
Wait, did I just suddenly grow horns and a tail? Perhaps a second head? Maybe I turned into an alien? “I’ve come to this planet in search of intelligent life. Oops, I’ve made a mistake.” (Miss you Robin Williams) Come on, I’m still the same person you were talking to a few minutes ago. Show some empathy or something.
6. Silence or telling me “I don’t know what to say.”
Oh, I get it, your thoughts are buffering. I’ll wait… Did you use up your data allotment on thoughts this month? Thoughts get slowed to 1G? Say something! Anything! I vent my frustration and pain, crying out for help and I get silence? My dog showed more empathy.
7. Saying “I’ll pray for you.”
Sure some people genuinely believe that that is helping, but some people use it as an excuse to do nothing. No offense but please save your prayers. When I was being abused and raped my prayers were never answered.
8. Saying “It’s just a phase” or “They’re not really serious. They just want attention.”
No. Just no. If this is “just a phase” how many f-ing times did they attempt suicide? “Just seeking attention?” If I just wanted some attention I’d go streaking on national tv during the Super Bowl.
9. Telling me things will get better.
Okay, this one I have mixed feelings over. Trying to give someone some encouragement and hope is one thing, but can you really guarantee my life will get better?
10. Giving up on me or abandoning me when I am in need.
This one hurts the most. I’m already feeling alone in the world, crying out for help, and they decide that I am “beyond help” and walk away. Way to stick in there, champ! You sure gave it your all. People on the brink of suicide need love not abandonment.
I don’t know any of you here, but I love you all.
14 comments
I fully agre with most of your list. The only thing i doubt about is the hell-thing. You mention prayers, god church often in this post so i guess you grew up with church?
I fully agree, telling someone they will go to hell is awful as a reply to someone telling they want to commit suicide.
At the same time i think the way most suicidal peopel think nowadays is also little foolish: they just decide for hemselves they dont’ want to believe in hell “so heir suffering will be over after suicide’. Isn’t it much more safe to think you will end up in hell after suicide and deciding if you still wnat ot dy then?
I don’t know for sure if hell exist, i think it does and i think i’ll end up there. But if it doesn’t exist, commitign suicide wil just end up in nothign after death, so no problem. But if someone commits suicide, telling themsleves it doesn’t exist and it does, you only fooled yourself. So is it better to fool someone by telling you are sure hell doesn’t exist?
Yes I was raised in the church but I never believed any of it. I don’t know if there is a hell or not but if I go to hell for taking my own life then so be it. At least I’ll be there with Robin Williams to keep me entertained.
Good post and sorry for what you’ve been through, we’ve all suffered in our own way also and that’s why most of us are here.
Telling people you are suicidal (regular people I mean) is kind of like coming out of the closet-saying you’re gay or trans. It’s an awkward admission that people don’t really know how to handle because it’s outside of the norm of what they think about. So you really can’t expect too much from them.
Now if you’re doing it as a cry for help-probably just say that instead but more than likely it’d be best to turn to the medical profession or see a therapist to help you through your problems.
A close relative was dealing with a lot of stress due to her job and family/marriage life and she admitted that sometimes she wished she was dead. I could relate ofc but I didn’t say too much. There isn’t a whole lot one can say-most people go throw a low phase and then are back to normal.
Nobody’s life is perfect but people make a choice to keep going because 99% of us won’t kill ourselves unless we had no other option. But it’s also because we know although things get bad, sometimes they do improve and the good things in life make it worthwhile.
I wouldn’t take it too personally if people don’t tell you what you want to hear-they’re just trying to be helpful in their own way, except the ones that abandon you. At the end of the day though it all comes back to you, what you want out of life. No one else can make those decisions for you.
I believe one day I think I will really want to ‘check out’ because some days I don’t like having to wake up-but I’m not there yet, so I’m just trying to make the most of my life while I can. I just wish euthanasia was available to anyone so ending one’s life wouldn’t be a huge, risky, dangerous event as it is now (which prevents most people from proceeding).
No it’s not about a cry for help. I’m beyond that. I know I’ve asked for help too many times in the past only to be told that I wasn’t worth helping. But thank you for your advice anyways.
I like this. My favourite is the attention seeking thing: “If I just wanted some attention I’d go streaking on national tv during the Super Bowl.”I feel like I get this from clinicians a lot. It’s like “oh, you aren’t serious, since you are still here and haven’t made an attempt in years”.
That’s heartbreaking, ladolcemorte.
IMDeadInside, 6 & 7 aren’t problematic for me. I’d rather had silence or an “I don’t know what to say” or and “I’ll pray for you” then be given a platitude which has the sole purpose of distancing the hearer from myself. But it is foolish to expect people to know how to react in a way that is affirming and helpful. If we don’t know how to help ourselves it is unfair to expect anyone else to know how.
What troubles me most are 1 and 2. The second I was told by “professionals” when I was in the psych ward.
I want to give you a word of encouragement, but now I’m afraid it will just become number 11.
“If we don’t know how to help ourselves.” Therein lies the problem. Most of us don’t know how to help ourselves. I never expected throughout all my suicide attempts for someone to wave a magic wand or have the perfect answer. But to struggle this much in life without any kind of support has been ridiculous. I have autism so figuring things out that everyone else seems to already know has been a huge struggle. I don’t believe that it is unfair to want help when you need it. But what is unfair is to be told “you need to figure everything out yourself, no one else will help you.” (My parents told me this throughout my life.) But I do appreciate your comment and I do get what you are trying to say. And please don’t worry that I won’t appreciate some words of encouragement. I won’t add a number 11
In no way did I mean to indicate that wanting help is unfair.
People are fallible and we need to acknowledge that we can’t expect other people to have the correct response at the correct time. Sometimes even good advice can seem bad and bad advice good. Trained professionals said some of the things you listed above, to me, so I understand your frustration. Truth is that emotional intelligence isn’t everyone’s forte as your parents’ response clearly demonstrates. Truth is, we can only count on ourselves to be fair, no one else.
For whatever it’s worth, a lot of people have a hard time figuring things out, myself among them. Idk how old you are, so maybe you can speak to a school counselor to find some resources available to you or find a therapist you think can help you and ask your parents to help you pay for the sessions.
Iceberg, replying to your second comment. I’m an old fart. I’m 40. And I know you weren’t trying to say that wanting help was unfair. It was just me being bitter and b****ing. Speaking to a therapist unfortunately costs money, and since I have no job, I have no way of paying for one. And asking my family for money is out of the question. They don’t care. The older you get, the harder to help, I’m afraid. :/
Yeah don’t get me started on therapists who want to charge you an arm an a leg for half an hour yet never focus on the root of the problem.
when people say ‘you’ve had it easy…’ or ‘people are going through worse’
Yes.
Yeah. I’ve heard that one too. If you read my post from yesterday you’ll see that my life sucks. But I can neither claim to have it worse than others nor easier because everyone’s pain is different. What might be a minor stumbling block to one person might be a mountain for someone else.
It’s all a state of mind