Failed Attempt leading to another

  April 28th, 2018 by Pained

I attempted where i configured a ratchet strap around my neck.. with my hoodie up to pad my neck tied in the front. I was confident this would work in the outcome of killing me.. this was my very first true real attempt without coming out with any physical or mental injury’s. I remember pacing in and out the room trying to gain confindence to pull it off because i was getting Anxiety on how dark this all was… pushing forward i was ratcheting to tighten and un ratcheting to losen every time i thought i was about to Lose consciousness and the thought while doing this was “why am i doing this?” I know why… but to the extent of having to kill my self..? “what is happening to me?” “How did i get here”? “This is sad and fucked up”… like a big question game going on in my head. After tightening and untightening so many times I passed out before I could Un tighten again.. I completely loss consciousness but was considered a syncope Bc I woke up. soon as I notice that sitting on the floor at the bottom edge of my bed I took the ratchet strap off turning on the light.. looked around my room an notice my tv was almost half way across my room…what the tv stood on was broken… cords to the tv were pulled apart.. my body trashing around after I lost consciousness apparently did all this but I couldn’t make sense of it.. Im thinking of giving it another try Expect this time not going in and out making it uncertain If that’s why the strap wasn’t tight enough making it the reason that I’ve woken up or the thrashing around idk.. just feels ballzy to commit a true second time knowing things. The emotionally feelings are skyrocketing at this point for me..

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